


Kuttsukiboshi x Madoka Magica: Prelude to Caribbean Rim

by Thedude3445



Series: The Madoka Series, by Thedude3445 [6]
Category: Kuttsukiboshi, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magika | Puella Magi Madoka Magica
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Cyberpunk, Dimension Travel, F/F, Gen, Humor, Neoakemi, Parody, Prequel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:19:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 35,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thedude3445/pseuds/Thedude3445
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The next story in The Madoka Series! It's a direct lead-in to Caribbean Rim, and deals with all the same silly characters you've known and loved since Madoka in Mexico and My Big Fat Madoka Wedding. This one is going to be funny too, because it's a crossover with the dreadful and very obscure OVA Kuttsukiboshi.</p><p>Story is finished, so please read if you wish</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1: Birthday

Kuttsukiboshi x Madoka Magica: Prelude to Caribbean Rim

Thedude3445

 

Chapter 1

  
  


Madoka stared the bartender down, (magical) pistol aimed right at the woman’s chest. The bartender held no gun in return, but instead cleaned a wineglass with her dishrag and her flattest expression.

“You’re not going anywhere, Miss…” Madoka was trying to say something badass, but she forgot where she was going with it. “Miss… Bartender. You’re going down.”

The bartender did not respond, and instead set the now-clean wineglass down, picking up another one. Madoka scowled at her and tightened her grip on the (magical) pistol.

“Are you deaf?” Madoka asked. “If so, I’ll sign it out for you.” With her left hand, Madoka waved her hand around like she was swatting a gnat away. “You see? now step aside.”

The bartender set down her next glass and met Madoka’s eyes. “You still have the safety on,” she said.

Madoka quickly rectified that and then pointed the gun at the bar. She shot it, breaking one of the wine glasses. “I was just testing you! But now it’s not going to be so easy for you, huh?”

At this, the bartender swatted Madoka’s right hand, forcing her to drop the (magical) pistol. With her other hand, the bartender slapped Madoka across the face, before catching the (magical) pistol in the air, spinning it, and setting it underneath the bar. Madoka went backwards a few feet from the shock of being slapped; everyone in the bar was now staring at her (though they were ignoring her when she was pointing the gun at the bartender because, seriously, it’s Mexico).

“You’re… such a dick!” Madoka yelled. “I just want another glass…” She staggered back towards the bar. “It’s like… my birthday, you know!”

“You’ve had enough for tonight, Mrs. Kaname,” the bartender said.

Madoka reached out at the bartender, like she wanted to attack her… and then collapsed on the ground before she took her second step. She was sound asleep.

The bartender dialed a number on her rotary phone. “Hello? Yes, again. Sorry about that. Yes, she’ll be here for you to pick her up. You’re welcome. Goodbye.”

***

Sayaka sat in the passenger's seat of the (Mexican-produced) car, as Kyoko drove in silence. Madoka laid in the back seat, and she was completely out. The coldest of outs.

“Damn,” Sayaka muttered as she looked at Madoka. That girl knew how to over-drink. Kyoko heard Sayaka and turned to her. She didn’t glare, but Sayaka knew she probably shouldn’t have said that out loud. “Uh, sorry. I just… man, I thought I was the one who liked my alcohol.”

Kyoko didn’t say anything, or turn her head this time; she just kept her eyes on the road. “That bad, huh?” Sayaka asked. “I’m really sorry about it.”

“It’s fine,” Kyoko answered. “Thanks for coming with me.”

“Ah, yeah, you’re welcome! Maybe we can just go out and have a girls’ day sometime soon. It’ll get you to stop worrying about, uh, the lame stuff.”

“Maybe.”

Kyoko and Sayaka and Madoka returned home to the Kaname Fort in the middle of the desert. Sayaka said her goodbyes, and just hoped that Madoka would be able to wake up in the morning and eat that cake Kyoko had been spending all day on.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2: Conference

Chapter 2

 

Madoka Kaname, Sheriff of Mexico, stood in front of a high-tech holographic projection screen thingie. At the conference table in front of her was Sayaka Miki, Kyoko Kaname, Crispina Gonzales, Asuka Langley Soryuu Miki, and cute little Nagisa Momoe (she was currently twenty years old and six feet three inches tall), all waiting for whatever she had to say.

Except Madoka forgot what she was going to say already. Damn, she had a really bad headache right now, too… Kyoko seemed to notice her lack of doing anything at all and got up, standing beside her.

“Sorry, she’s not feeling well,” Kyoko said. “Why don’t you sit down, Madoka?” Madoka shrugged and complied. She grabbed a Morning Rescue from a cooler and hoped it would, er, rescue her this morning...

“So are we gonna get to anything soon?” Sayaka asked, clearly about to start spacing out extremely soon. If they didn’t hurry, they would lose her completely, which happened more often than anyone liked to admit.

“Yeah, yeah, my apologies,” Kyoko said. “Okay, so we’re supposed to brief everyone on the current status of Operation Magical Girl, as we do every month.”

“Which one was that?” Sayaka asked in her absentmindedness, allowing for the readers to get some easy and organic exposition about what they missed in the gap between “Once Upon a Time in Madoka” and this story here.

“It’s our only current Operation, Sayaka,” Kyoko said. “How do you not remember?”

“I leave the remembering to Asuka,” she answered. It was true.

“Well, for the one person who doesn’t remember, we are currently trying to recruit as many magical girls to our cause as possible, and train the next generation of peacekeepers all across Mexico, and eventually the world. We now have a large number  magical girls in our ranks, though most of them are pure newbies. So we are trying to find people to join our ranks, as well as people to help train the girls we recruit.”

Kyoko took a pack of Reese’s Pieces out of her pocket and began eating them. The conference room went silent as everyone waited for her to finish. Madoka put her head down, trying to get her headache to go away.

Finally, Kyoko finished and continued. “Okay, so to continue. Counting those of us in here, we have five magical girls who are adequately trained, and also El Guante for some reason because I guess he’s a good guy now. So that is literally just the people in this room, and El Guante.”

Asuka raised her hand. “Hey, um, you know that I’m still here, and you guys never made me a magical girl, right? I always wanted to be one…”

Sayaka then raised her hand. “How do we make magical girls without Kyubey anyway? It makes no sense.”

Kyoko raised her hand. “Hey, guess what? Shut up so we can keep talking about the report.” Everyone put their hands down. “Thank you. In addition to our extremely small roster of trained magical girls, we have recruited sixty-six new magical girls in the past twelve months, somehow, and none of which have received enough training to be able to operate on their own. This is a very bad thing for us. So uhh… I don’t know what Madoka was going to say after this. Madoka?”

Madoka, head still on the table, gave a thumbs up. “Good going so far, Kyoko.”

“That’s not…”

“I dunno, ask people for ideas.”

Kyoko looked around at everyone. “Okay, well… Does anyone want to give any ideas on how to fix our predicament?

Asuka once again raised her hand. “Make me a friggin’ magical girl already! That or give me a giant robot to pilot.”

“Noted,” Kyoko said. “Anyone else? Uhh… what about you guys, Crispina and Nagisa? You haven’t said anything yet.”

Crispina shook her head. “I don’t have anything to suggest.” She was usually pretty silent, though she was also usually pretty grumpy, so it was hard to tell if she actually had nothing to suggest or if she was being sarcastic about all the time-wasting that had been going on.

Little cutesy Nagisa stood up (and was then taller than anyone else in the room by far) and hopped with excitement. “I have a plan!” Which coincidentally is the title of the first song in Michael Guy Bowman’s newest album, “Hush”, which you can listen to on his Bandcamp page today.

“Oh yeah?” Kyoko seemed impressed by Nagisa’s enthusiasm.

“Yeah! We should bring Homura and Mami back to life so they can join us!”

Everyone in the room froze. Even Madoka looked up in confusion.

Sayaka burst out laughing. “What?”

Nagisa sat back down and huffed. “Well, I thought it was a good idea…”

Kyoko raised her finger and stopped for a moment. “Actually... “

“You can’t be seriously considering that, can you?” Sayaka asked her. “What, did you accidentally eat a pot brownie or something? Or on purpose eat a pot brownie or something?”

“Shut up Sayaka,” Kyoko said. “And yes, Nagisa’s idea sounds insane, but… Homura would be a very valuable addition to our team.”

“Except the fact that Homura never existed in the first place,” Sayaka said. “She was just a transformation of Kyubey used to fool us into almost getting the world blown up at Madoka’s wedding. Like, this is one of the most important plot twists in this series. Not only was she actually Kyubey, but she didn’t even have time travel abilities in the first place to help us out. Or, maybe she did but didn’t use them like she said she did. Or something. Yeah, I stopped trying to figure out the continuity there midway through ‘Madoka’s Birthday Wish.’”

Suddenly, Madoka stood up with all the vigor she had been lacking before. The Morning Rescue seemed to be working after all.  “Then that’s why we won’t get back the Homura from this universe… We’ll travel to another universe and get the Homura from there!!”

Everyone gasped. Madoka closed her eyes, smiled, and tried to pretend that her hangover was gone despite the pounding headache.

 

Chapter 3

 

“No, no, stop.” Madoka opened her eyes and saw Asuka shouting. “You can’t just move onto the next chapter like that! You just had this insane idea to travel to another UNIVERSE with no explanations for how to do it, or really much of any justification for doing it in the first place. It makes no sense! You can’t just go to the next chapter like that. Why would anyone want to keep reading?”

Everyone stared at Asuka blankly. Sayaka, sitting next to her flicked her on the cheek. “Are you okay?” she asked her.

“If you need a break or something, feel free to use the restroom or go get a soda or something like that,” Kyoko said.

“I, uh…” Asuka stammered. “No, I’m good. Keep going, Madoka.”

“Alright,” Madoka said. She closed her eyes and smiled again. They were finally going to do something extraordinary, and she felt so excited.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3: Walking Down the Hall and Talking

Chapter 3

 

Madoka walked into the training hall of the Magical Girl HQ, which was aptly named because it was the place where all of the magical girls in Mexico went to mix and mingle and improve their skills. Right now, several interesting OCs and blatant recolors were performing warm-up exercise as their teacher, the reformed villain El Guante, instructed them.

“Hey El Guante,” Madoka said, waving.

El Guante raised his machine gun/hand and waved back. They had their spats in the past, like when she pursued him all across the country and he shot her in the knee and all that fun stuff, but… he was okay now. Kind of. She tried to pay attention to something else before she got the urge to attack him again (It happened about once a week already).

Behind her were her friends and comrades Sayaka and Nagisa. Sayaka had Magical Girl Trainee inspection duty for today, so she was supposed to be here anyway, but Nagisa was here to meet with Madoka because she was just as overeager as she was tall. And there she stood, bright, ready, and dressed in her cute orange magical girl outfit. Madoka almost felt embarrassed she was still in her sweatclothes. Not enough to care though.

“Yo Madoka,” Sayaka said. She had a clipboard in her hands, and she was supposed to be filling out how the trainees were performing and all that, though Madoka was sure she filled it all out in advance, complete with meticulous detail in order to look like it was legitimate. Sayaka put a lot of work into slacking off, you know. “Where are we headed?”

“Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you,” Madoka said. “We’re going to my lab!”

Nagisa cocked her head to the right. “You have a lab?”

“Uh, I made it last night. It’s nothing special.” Another pink-haired magical girl walked by towards the vending machine against the wall. Her magical girl outfit looked almost exactly like Madoka’s back when she was a middle schooler, and if she had her hair tied in pigtails, she’d probably be a very suspicious doppelganger, but luckily, she had it in twintails. Very unique. Man, there were actually several trainees that had pink hair and frilly costumes. It was as if nobody outside the main cast could have any amount of originality but into them whatsoever...

“Hello? Madoka? Anyone home?” Sayaka was waving a hand in front of Madoka’s head.

“Oh, sorry.” She must have zoned out there for a moment. “But yeah, step inside my office,” she said, bowing and presenting her lab. She felt like this was really lame and not funny at all and immediately regretted it.

The three of them walked into the lab and saw… a table with a bunch of papers stacked on top of it. That was about it.

“Uhh….” Sayaka said.

“Uhh…” Nagisa said. “Good job so far!” Sigh, Nagisa.

“I’m trying to science the shit out of this,” Madoka said, trying desperately to be as cool as Mark Watney from The Martian. “But no luck so far.”

“Using science to travel to an alternate universe and save Homura?” Sayaka rubbed her chin. “Why?”

“Because science is so awesome!!” Madoka looked at the camera, winked, and gave a thumbs up. She continually felt like she was making a fool of herself at every turn but was unable to stop herself.

“But can’t you just use magic or something? I feel like that’d be easier to travel with the ambiguous and convenient powers of magical girl magic.”

“That feels like… cheating?”

“But do any of us know enough about quantum mechanics to build a transuniversal engine without the power of magic?” Nagisa asked with a quizzical and innocent expression.

“Um.”

The three of them stood in silence. Madoka bowed her sombrero in sadness. “You’re… right. Then I guess… it’s settled. We’ll… use magic to transverse the multiverse…” she shed a single manly tear.

Science was awesome… but magic was cool too she guessed...

 

 


	4. Chapter 4: Pool and Beer

Chapter 4

  
  


Asuka and El Guante stood by a pool table. It kind of looked grungy and dirty, but it was actually just in the recreation room of the Magical Girl HQ. Asuka never really liked going out and partying in… That was a lie. She loved going out and partying wherever she felt like.

Tonight, she felt like having a chilled hangout with her friend, the former villain of Mexico El Guante. They never really knew each other before Madoka’s frenzied attempts to capture him culminating in a very strange surprise birthday party, but once he turned to the side of truth, justice, and whatever magical girl stuff Sayaka always went on about, they became very well-acquainted.

Asuka lined up a shot. She had stripes, El Guante had solids. If she made this right, she would pocket the twelve ball, and push the six and seven balls out of the way of each other, so he couldn’t get them at once like he could at the moment. She stuck her tongue out, closed one eye, and let it rip. But she put too much english on the ball, and it hopped over the twelve, landing on the eight ball, and knocking that with enough power to send it flying off the table.

“This must be what Homestuck feels like,” Asuka said in anguish.

“Now it is my turn,” said El Guante, still dressed like Santa Anna because if there’s anything Thedude3445 likes, it’s continuing stupid visual running gags even in a prose story. Don’t forget that Madoka and Kyoko both regularly wear sombreros that match their hair colors, either. Anyway, yeah, he lined up his shot, except not with a pool stick, but rather one of his machine gun hands. It worked, Asuka guessed. Except how was he going to stabilize the machine gun when his other hand was also a machine gun?

Well, however he did it, he did it, because it sent the cue ball flying in all sorts of directions, bouncing all over the table, and pocketing not only the six and seven balls, and the three ball.

“Damn.” Asuka put her pool stick back up on the pool stick holder thing. “You’re too good.”

“I will take that as a compliment, for I am El Guante, the undefeatable!” He burst out into villainous laughter, which he still occasionally did, despite being reformed. The laughter part was one of the hardest parts of the villain to cure, she’d heard from several former baddies. Sayaka was only a witch for a couple weeks and it took her a year to stop cackling when she succeeded at sinister things.

“Hey guys,” Kyoko said as she walked up to the pool table with them. She had been very intense into her work the past few weeks, trying to help Madoka’s insane plan to use interdimensional travel or something to resurrect some of her dead friends, and damn did she look tired.

Asuka walked over to the fridge and threw her a generic brand diet cola. She caught it and began drinking almost immediately. At least her appetite was still the same. “Why are you still here, Kyo?” both El Guante and Kyoko cringed at Asuka’s extremely inappropriate use of cutesy nicknames.

“Just a lot of work,” Kyoko answered.

“Nothing important in the life department? You’re not suddenly pregnant with no idea how you got that way since you’re married to a woman, right?” Asuka asked in a far-too-detailed manner.

Kyoko blinked a few times, and turned to El Guante. “Are there any trainees that seem skilled enough to go with us on our first interuniversal expedition?”

El Guante shook his head. “Not at all. I would not even send myself, or Asuka, with such a potentially dangerous risk. Only the most experienced magical girls are equipped to deal with whatever comes their way.”

“Of course, I’ve done weird space shit before, if you recall from that stupid 3.0 movie,” Asuka said. “So I’d totally be able to help out if you just… made me… a magical girl…”

Ignoring Asuka once again, Kyoko said, “That’s not good. I don’t trust that we’ll have enough [wo]manpower to fight anything ultra strong. Assuming we will need to fight anything at all… Maybe I’m just being a pessimist--” Kyoko took out a pack of Oreo’s and started chewing on them-- “But I feel like everything is going to go very badly when we do this. Experience tells me that interuniversal travel always works badly.”

“Like when?” El Guante asked.

“Sliders. Have you ever seen that? I’m preparing for the worst. Like that episode when Quinn is captured by... “ El Guante and Asuka stared at Kyoko. She brushed the Oreo crumbs off her face. “Um, anyway, I think we should try to get some of our trainees ready to help. I won’t be able to go on the trip because I’ll be monitoring things, so otherwise, we’ll only have four magical girls against who knows what.”

“Yes ma’am, I’ll try,” said El Guante.

Asuka was totally going to ask Kyoko about her clear emotional problems but she decided to let that wait for a later chapter. She thought she’d try to school her in a match of billiards anyway.

She lost the match.

 

***

“You’re here early,” the bartender said. Madoka sat at the bar, drinking whatever alcohol the bartender poured for her. She didn’t know, and didn’t much care, either. Barely anybody else was here tonight, because the bar had only just opened a few minutes ago. The bartender was still sweeping the floors getting ready though she was still able to serve Madoka a drink almost effortlessly. If only Madoka were as good at her job of policing the country as Sheriff of Mexico…

“I heard Sesame Street was going to HBO for the next few years…” Madoka mumbled. “Sucks, really. Kyoko and I don’t have premium cable. So how are we going to raise our hypothetical kids if we don’t have the newest episodes of Sesame Street to help them learn about giant birds and hobos in trashcans?”

The bartender ignored this non-sequitur and poured Madoka another glass. She didn’t say anything, but continued sweeping. Madoka would start calling her Sweep instead of bartender if she didn’t realize she was drunk and that was definitely a bad idea. Bartender and Sweep were two stock characters that she never wanted to get mixed up, because that would have dire consequences.

Madoka stared at her already half-empty glass. “Man, I remember that time my Mom was telling me to make mistakes while I’m young and all that so I can grow up well. Of course the only thing I took from that was that I should hurry up and grow up so I could get drunk with her.” Madoka laughed softly. “I haven’t even seen Mom in forever. I wish I could go back to Japan sometime… Kyoko and I never did get a chance to go on a honeymoon, what with Sheriff duties and all. Maybe sometime?”

She tried to hold in the inevitable flow of tears that was about to ensue, and, being Madoka, failed miserably. She sobbed as quietly as she could, so she wouldn’t disturb any of the customers that were starting to enter the bar. “Man, I’m such a bad wife. I spent the last eight years being a jerk and now she probably doesn’t even love me anymore. Dammit.”

The bartender took the glass away. “You’re drunk enough,” she said. She began pouring drinks for the other patrons that had arrived and sat on the bar stools next to Madoka. Most of them were really tough guys, probably former fighters for El Chapo, who Madoka had captured all by herself six years ago, and he was never able to escape again, no way.

“Hey! I wasn’t--” She realized the bartender was right. Or something. It was hard to tell, being drunk and all. “I should be less shitty to Kyoko, probably.”

“Sheriff Kaname,” the bartender began. “Maybe your problems start and end with that drink in your hands.”

“Eh?” Madoka looked over and realized she had swiped the glass of the guy next to her. She put it back down and put both her hands on the bar. “Maybe you’re right. If only I could get some way to fix all this that,” she said, ignoring this super obvious drinking problem she obviously had.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5: Is It Really Time for Bed Already?

Chapter 5

 

Sayaka, dressed in blue bunny-print pajamas, laid down on the bed and spread out over as wide a surface area as she could do. She felt more sore than that time she and Kyoko… Anyway, it had been a really long day, trying to get the best of the magical girls out there and ready so that they could fight with the other magical girls after whatever inevitable catastrophe was going to occur as soon as they entered the other universe. None of the newbies were very good yet. It wasn’t unexpected; El Guante was still adamant that the whole plan to use any of them was really stupid and terrible. It didn’t really matter that much to Sayaka, honestly. She just wanted to have some fun and probably kill some people, something that being a guardian of Mexico was sorely lacking in compared to her job as a magical girl (and her amazingly-brief stint as a witch/crime lord of the Yakuza).

“Yo, Asuka,” Sayaka shouted to her wife, who was brushing her teeth over in the bathroom.

“Ah? Wha oo wa?” Asuka asked, toothpaste and foam keeping her from actually saying anything.

“You should be glad you’re not a magical girl. It really sucks and I hate it. I can’t move at all.” This was Sayaka’s excuse for not brushing her teeth tonight, she decided at this moment.

Asuka spit out her toothpaste and turned on the faucet. “You know I’d be a kickass mahou shoujo and that’s why you guys keep pretending I shouldn’t be one!” She walked into the bedroom and up to the bed. Her yellow pajamas had a bear print, and Sayaka wondered if the contrast actually meant anything or if she was just reading too much into things. “Now move over so I can get in,” she said.

“Can’t.”

“I’ll have to shove you, then.”

“Do it. I won’t move, though.” Sayaka groaned as she said this.

“You’re not THAT tired, Sayaka,” Asuka said, putting her hands on her hips as usual. “you were just fine at Kentucky McBurger Queen Bell.”

“That’s because I was getting food then. Now I have no incentive to exist, much less move from my spot.”

“Sayaka… I’m hurt. You’re saying my cuddles aren’t a good incentive?”

Asuka was right. As soon as she said this, Sayaka rolled over to the right side of the bed and pulled herself under the covers. Her wife followed suit and went through with her threat of cuddling.

“I love you,” said Asuka.

“Yeah, me too,” said Sayaka. She received a bop on the head in response. “Tomorrow’s the day, huh?”

“Yep, it is. And you’d better come back safe, sound, and with that stupid Akemi girl you guys care so much about.”

“Aw, you’d love her if you knew her. I know I did, if you know what I mean.” Asuka bopped her on the head again. “Okay, fine. I’ll come back safe. Don’t worry about that at all.”

“Good.” They continued cuddling in the silence of the night. “Wait,” Asuka interrupted. “I wanted to ask you about…”

“Eh?” Sayaka had already almost lulled off into sleep.

“Do you know what’s up with Madoka and Kyoko?” she asked, finally.

“Uhh... I’d shrug but you have a hold on my arms so I can’t. Yeah I don’t know. I think Madoka’s just… really stressed and stuff. You know? Because I don’t.”

“Kyoko seems really upset too, though…”

“Not as upset as the time she and I… Ha, I digress.” And with that, Sayaka conked out, and dreamed about a world of ice sculptures.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6: Commencing Operations

Chapter 6

 

And there they stood, in full cobalt-colored battle armor-- Crispina Gonzales, Nagisa Momoe, Sayaka Miki, all ready for whatever lay beyond the breach of space and time. Madoka, wearing armor herself (including a new pink sombrero outfitted with all the latest in laser weaponry and a homing device for when she threw it like Captain America’s shield), walked up to them and saluted like some cool military lieutenant person (NOT “left-tennant,” no British readers allowed). Beside them, stood three OCs, er, fresh recruits-- Madoka still hadn’t learned their names, but they all had green hair and looked vaguely like that one girl from Higurashi, if that meant anything. Asuka and Kyoko stood behind Madoka, probably cheering her on for the inspiring speech she was about to give.

“Alright, everyone,” Madoka said, pacing back and forth. “This is going to be a very quick extraction job. We’re getting in, and then getting out. Kill anyone who gets in our way. Leave no stone unturned. Never give up. Trust your instincts.”

Kyoko walked up to the crew and pushed Madoka out of the way. Madoka made a big frown. She thought she was being cute. :(  “Don’t listen to Sheriff Kaname, please,” she said. “Take as much time as possible. Make sure everyone is safe, and if you happen to be able to come back with any alternate-universe versions of ourselves or our departed counterparts, then that’s very good. Please do that.”

“Aight,” Sayaka said. “Let’s do this.”

El Guante entered the scene. He bowed gracefully. “I will begin the preparations for the inter-universal transportation machine, if Mrs. Kyoko Kaname will join me.” She walked away, leaving the seven magical girls (and Asuka) standing there.

“Uh, I think I need to use the little girl’s room,” Madoka said, as she obviously walked towards where Kyoko and El Guante were going, and not towards the bathroom.

Kyoko, currently eating from a styrofoam cup of ramen, saw Madoka come up to her. “What are you doing?” she asked.

“I needed to tell you how much I love you,” Madoka said, hugging her wife tightly. “Even if I’m kind of… awful sometimes.”

“What?” Kyoko looked confused.

“I’m sorry! Please don’t let me get killed, okay?”

Kyoko seemed to switch modes of thought as she said this. “Oh, I won’t let you get killed,” she said. “If anything goes terribly wrong, it’ll probably be that one of the trainee magical girls gets trapped in the other universe for a couple years and horribly mutated, bonding her suit to her skin, and then when we rescue her, she starts blowing people’s heads off. On the plus side, everyone else will get cool superpowers.” Now Madoka was the one who was confused.

“Well uh, yeah I love you.” She kissed her on the cheek.

“I love you too. Go get Homura,” Kyoko said, slurping the last of her ramen. Madoka gave a thumbs-up, then darted back over to the other magical girls. She still felt like Kyoko wasn’t exactly happy with her. She didn’t seem very enthusiastic until it came time to make a stupid pop culture reference, but… maybe Madoka was overblowing all this stuff anyway.

The others had stepped into position and were waiting for Madoka to arrive. Madoka looked at Nagisa and gave her a thumbs-up as well. “You ready, little girl?” The six-foot-three-inch, twenty year old girl blushed and got all flustered. It was adorable.

“I’m ready,” responded one of the OCs. Nobody said anything else for a few minutes because nobody was sure how to respond to one of them actually talking.

Then a bunch of lights started flashing and swirling around them. The last thing Madoka saw was her wife waving goodbye, and El Guante’s voice as he said, “Don’t forget, you all need to--”

***

Madoka looked up again and saw a dark crimson sky. It looked beautiful, almost captivating, except when she looked forward, she saw ruins all around her. Where were they? Collapsed buildings, vehicles, and a few skeletons were scattered all throughout this highly desertified environment. It chilled her to the bone, though she wasn’t sure why.

Crispina walked by, examining the surroundings and glaring at them intensely. “What’s wrong?” Madoka asked her.

“I don’t know,” she answered. She walked over to a destroyed sidewalk and looked down. “This all looks incredibly recent. I don’t like anything from any of this. We are in Mitakihara City, right?”

“Mhm,” Madoka answered. She suddenly realized that yes, they were indeed in the city, the place where she grew up for all her life, the place where she became a magical girl, the place where she had her first kiss... all kind of strange returning. Especially when it was all ruins.

Over by a ruined VW Beetle, Sayaka snuck up behind Nagisa and punched her in the arm. “Punch buggy! no punch-backs.” Nagisa was very nervous already, and the punch sent her into shock.

“Sayaka!” Madoka shouted. “Cut it out!”

“Sorry, Sheriff.” The only time any of her friends ever called her sheriff was when they were being sarcastic. Really lame, Sayaka.

One of the magical girl trainees pointed up into the sky. “Look! There’s some sort of light!” Everyone looked into the red clouds and indeed saw a small yellow light. It wasn’t just floating-- no, it was coming closer. And very quickly.

Before any of them could grab their weapons, someone zoomed by all of them and flew into the sky. Whoever they were, they collided with the yellow light, and began battling it. Madoka looked at the aura of the combatant and realized its blue hue meant-- that was this universe’s Sayaka!

“Sayaka, I think that’s another you,” she said.

“So what do you think’s going--” Several more figures passed the group and began battling in the sky. Two of them were knocked right back onto the ground within moments, though. One of them zoomed towards the group; Crispina dodged as the person hit the ground with a thud, buried under a feet of sand. This person got right back up, and looked at Madoka.

Madoka saw who it was. “Who are--”

“Who are you?” Said this universe’s Madoka, draped in black robes and holding a huge scythe.

It seemed they walked right into the middle of a final battle.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7-1: Kuttsuki-Nani?

Chapter 7-1

 

Before we go on with “Kuttsukiboshi x Madoka Magica”, let’s stop for a moment and take a bit of a breather. We’re on Chapter 7 and yet the story has barely just begun? What? How long is this thing going to be? Well, dear reader, it will be as long as it wants to be. Will it be longer than the rest of The Madoka Series combined? I certainly hope not, because I have better things to be writing right now than this.

During this little breather, I think I’m going to give you a little backstory. Chapter 6 ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, didn’t it? Well, it’s gonna be a few chapters before we get back to Sheriff Kaname and the crew. Until then, let’s get some new stuff going, shall we?

Okay, you’ve probably been wondering, like we all have for the past 6 chapters, what is the deal with this “Kuttsukiboshi” part of the title of this fan fiction? Well, I’m finally going to give you an answer about the story of two girls, one dude, and a lot of other stuff:

Kuttsukiboshi means Stars Intertwined. This anime is a two-episode OVA, and one that I would not recommend you watch-- ever. No, please. It’s just… Let me tell you the plot. Okay?

At some random-ass high school in Japan, there were two girls. One, Kiiko Kawakami, and the other, Aaya Saito. Kiiko happened to have latent psychic powers of some sort, and after school every day these girls tried to open up these powers. Until one day… They start making out and become girlfriends.

From then on, the anime forgot that it was originally about a girl that is psychic and another girl helping her, and it became an anime about two girls making out and doing other lude things that would be highly inappropriate to describe in great, excruciating detail in this T-rated fan fiction. And since their school was on summer vacation at the time, they did quite a number of these things.

Kiiko and Aaya stood in front of an ice cream stand. Kiiko began taking some money out of her purse, and turned to Aaya, asking, “What flavor ice cream do you want?”

Aaya smiled and said, “I want it to taste like your--”

This actually happened.

So yeah, I’d like to tell you the rest of the plot to this, but for a while, it’s mostly just a lot of naughty activities. Finally, though, some stuff starts happening. It turns out that Aaya’s older brother is a famous artist prodigy guy. He makes art that’s so popular, even Kiiko knows about it (And yet they still lived in a dingy apartment in the middle of nowhere, which is really sadly typical for artists).

This turned out to be not the best thing for Kiiko, though. She forgot her phone back at Aaya’s house after leaving from a weekend of… certain events… and went back on the train to get it, since that’s the only way the two of them could contact each other during summer break.

But when she got there, the door was locked; apparently, Aaya had already left from her house herself. “I wonder if I could…” Kiiko didn’t even finish her thought before using her powers to open the lock from the inside and get into the apartment.

What she found in that apartment, was Aaya, and Aaya’s brother. They were doing some things that we DEFINITELY cannot mention, sorry to hear.

Though it turns out that they were only doing those things because Aaya’s brother was dying of brain cancer or something, and he conveniently passed away almost immediately afterwards. Only enough time to break Kiiko’s poor, psychic-powered heart.

Aaya decided afterwards, after their relationship had ended and they ceased contact for weeks, that she needed to make it up to Kiiko. And luckily, there was an approaching severe thunderstorm in the forecast. So what did Aaya do? She got some chloroform, knocked Kiiko out, took her to the gym storage shed at the school, and did some things that we WILL NOT MENTION HERE IN THIS STORY.

And it never stops. They both continue to commit acts of relations with each other, and it was at this moment when I realized that this may have been a poor choice for a crossover story in the first place. But as we are already seven chapters in, I can’t exactly change it to “Madoka Magica x Index: The Wrath of Kuroko” this late in the game, so we’ll stick with this poorly-conceived crossover with a bad smut OVA.

But here’s the stinger behind all the stuff that’s been going on since all these re-relations have been re-occuring. Aaya decided to run away and move to America for like, no real reason. Maybe she felt guilty for doing really terrible things constantly and generally being a bad person? Probably. So she and Kiiko fell asleep (after some other stuff), and when Kiiko woke up, she realized that Aaya’s gone, already on a plane and everything.

“Shit,” Kiiko probably said to herself. “Shit!” She started glowing and other super scary psychic stuff… awakening her powers once and for all. She teleported onto the plane and forced Aaya into the bathroom with her.

“You’re never leaving me again, Aaya,” Kiiko said, eyes flared up and all that stuff, holding Aaya up by the neck. “You’re going to love me forever. And if you don’t… I’ll really kill you.”

Kiiko stopped choking her. Aaya hugged her and wiped away some tears. “This is so messed up,” she said. And to that I agree.

So then they warped together to some alien planet, many lightyears away, luckily one that had a breathable atmosphere. And they lived together, happily, for the rest of time…

Except that they were both sociopaths, and one of them had unlocked god-like powers.

The multiverse was not safe whatsoever, and in a certain timeline of Madoka Magica, they learned this fact the hard way. I think you understand where I am going with this, don’t you?

(Don’t watch this anime.)

 

 


	8. Chapter 7-2: Akemi, Part One

Chapter 7-2

 

Homura Akemi could do nothing but stare. She couldn’t act, because she was too weak. She couldn’t run, because she wouldn’t let herself. She cried, and cried, and that was all she did.

She kept staring, and stared at Mami Tomoe’s bloodied, headless body. “This thing… it killed her…” she said, mostly to herself. She couldn’t bring herself to believe this was all really happening.

Mado--no, Kaname-san--touched her back and rubbed it gently. Homura felt warm… but only for a second. She realized that Kaname was walking away from her, and towards that giant witch in the sky. “No! You can’t beat it by yourself!” she cried to the girl who saved her, the girl she loved. “It’s too strong! It’ll kill you, Kaname-san!”

And there it was, Kaname’s steadfast moral principles, holding to the very end. It was the thing Homura loved most about her, and the thing she knew Kaname could never control. “Even so, I have to protect everyone. It’s my job; I’m a magical girl.”

Homura burst into tears again. “Please… You can run away! This… It’s all hopeless! No one would blame you if you did, Kaname-san. I wouldn’t.”

Kaname gave her biggest smile. “Homura…” she began. “It’s okay. I’m glad I got to become friends with you. You know, saving you from that witch, way back when, was my best accomplishment, and I’m always going to be proud of it. That’s why, in the end, I’m glad I became a magical girl.” She looked up at the witch in the sky. “I really am.”

“Kaname-san…I…” Even now, she couldn’t blurt out those three small words… I love you...

“Goodbye, Homura. Take care.” She drew her bow, leapt into the air, and attacked the monster head-on.

***

Once again, Homura couldn’t help but stare. This time, it was at Kaname’s dead body, lying half-submerged in an anonymous pool of water among the wreckage of what used to be Mitakihara City. “Why… You know you were going to be killed all along…Why did you save me, if you were just going to be killed yourself… I should have taken your place!”

Beside her, Gyuhey, the blue-furred magical being, was there. She didn’t notice him there before. His expressionless face stared at her, just like she was staring at Kaname. “Is that really your wish, Homura Akemi?” he asked. “Is that something you want so badly you would trade your soul for it?”

“If I make a contract with you, would you really grant any wish?” It was irresistible. For all the pain and trouble being a magical girl would cause, she knew she couldn’t give this up. Not this time.

“Absolutely,” Gyuhey said. “You have more than enough potential.”

Homura stood up and pressed her hands against her chest. She nodded. She would do it. She had no other choice than to do it. If she had been one earlier, maybe, Mami and Kaname-san would still be...

“So then tell me, what is the wish that will make your Soul Gem shine?”

She breathed deep, and then made her wish: “I wish… I wish to meet Kaname-san again. But this time, I’ll be the one that defeats Walpurgisnacht, and I’ll be the one to save her!”

Gyuhey's green eyes glowed, and his ears raised themselves up-- Homura felt immense pain from… somewhere. She saw a purple orb of light floating out of her, and forming into a Soul Gem. “The contract is complete,” Gyuhey said. “Your wish has overcome entropy.”

Homura saw a disc flying in the air, spinning around her, and then everything went dark.

***

“Ah!” Homura looked around… “Where am I?” Wait… “I… I’m still in the hospital?” She stood up, and looked at the calendar. It was five days before she was supposed to go back to school. “It wasn’t a dream, after all!”

She.. she was a magical girl, then. After all this time, she finally made a contract. She could finally fight.

And this time, she was going to save Kaname.

***

Mami, Kaname, and Homura stood in a circle. “So you can stop time?” Mami asked.

“Yes, that’s exactly it. It’s such a cool power, isn’t it, Kaname-san?” Homura was eager to the point that Kaname was blushing almost every time she spoke.

“Ah…” Kaname said. “Yeah, I think so.” Homura never felt more in love in her life… but this timeline’s Kaname was definitely not in love with her yet. It was… a little awkward. She tried to control herself, though sometimes it got out of hand.

“That’s a pretty amazing power,” Mami said. “But you’ll still have to figure out how to use it in battle, without wasting all your magical energy in just one or two battles.”

Homura made a cute “hmph.” “I know,” she said. She’d figure out a way.

***

Homura and Kaname stood in front of the opening to a witch’s lair. They transformed into magical girls, and were about ready to hop in and fight the beast. It was the fourth witch this week, and Homura was exhausted. “How about after this…” Homura said. “We go play video games or something…” She really hoped that Kaname thought that was cute. A giggle from the girl confirmed that.

“You promise?” Kaname asked. Homura nodded fiercely, which made Kaname giggle again.

Before they entered the lair, though, a lance stabbed into the ground in front of them, and a lanky girl in a red dress hopped on top of the lance’s blunt end. She blew a bubble with her gum, and then stepped down from the lance. “And where were you guys going?” she asked.

“Kyoko…” Kaname said. Wait, what?

“Wait, what?” Homura asked. “Do you know her?”

“Yeah,” Kaname told Homura. “She’s Kyoko Sakura. She used to be one of Mami’s friends, apparently. She’s going to help us while Mami is sick.” Kyoko nodded at all of this, obviously impatient that they weren’t already jumping into the action.

Kyoko put her arm around Kaname’s shoulder. “Oh, come on Madoka,” she said. “You aren’t going to tell her?” Kaname blushed redder than the time Homura accidentally outed them as magical girls in front of the whole class and she had to explain it away as a big joke. “We’re girlfriends. Been that way for a while, too. No idea why she ain’t telling you that. Anyway, nice to finally meet you, Akemi! Madoka talks about you all the time.” Kyoko threw a candy bar into the air. Homura didn’t bother catching it, and it hit the ground. Kyoko’s smirk faded into a frown.

Homura stared at Kyoko, but it wasn’t like any of her stares from before. This was an angry one. She wasn’t sure who she was more angry at-- Kyoko, Kaname, or herself. But she was definitely angry.

Kaname whispered something into Kyoko’s ear, and Kyoko let go of Kaname’s shoulder. Kyoko walked over and put her hand on Homura’s shoulder. “Hey,” she said, in a much softer and less abrasive tone. “I really do hope we become friends, Akemi. You seem really cool. Now let’s go fight that witch.”

Homura remembered Kaname’s words to her, on her first day of school, in the old timeline.

_“If you have such a cool name like Homura, you should become cool to match it!” she said, clasping her hands together with a strangely charming enthusiasm._

That was exactly what Homura was going to do.

***

“Nice haircut, Akemi,” Kyoko said as Homura walked into Mami’s house. Her house had become something of a magical girl HQ ever since she disappeared; it started as a meeting place for the three of them to look for her, but once that ended, they kept hanging around there anyway. It was a little sad, but it kept her in their thoughts, wherever she might be.

“Thanks,” Homura said, with almost no sincerity whatsoever. Her new pixie haircut really suited her, she thought, but it was obvious Kyoko was just trying to antagonize her. Kaname laid her head in Kyoko’s lap, asleep. Homura tried not to think about her much anymore, about the constant heartbreak every time she saw her, but she still tried to be friends with her. Hopefully Kaname would never know how she used to feel.

Still… felt.

“Glad you made it in before the storm. It’s looking bad out there.” Kyoko was right; the sun hadn’t shone for days now, but it still hadn’t rained yet.

Homura sat down at the small table and poured herself some tea. “Thanks for making this,” Homura told Kyoko, purely to spite her.

“You’re welcome,” Kyoko said, munching on some strange brand of potato chips.

Homura poured the tea, and then she pushed up where her glasses used to be once she looked back up. It was force of habit, even after several weeks. It was the first time in her life she hadn’t worn glasses since she could remember. She regretted not doing it sooner.

The tea was lukewarm. It must have been made a while ago, which meant Kyoko and Kaname skipped classes again. She really wished Kyoko would attend school. Her poor habits were rubbing off on Kaname, too, who used to have good grades. Homura had half a mind to tell Kaname’s mom and dad about all this… but that would only keep fragmenting their team, anyway.

Homura rarely made eye contact with either of them anymore, and really felt like kind of an outsider… She sighed audibly at--

“Do you have a problem?” Kyoko asked. She stood up, which jolted Kaname awake, and walked over to Homura. Homura stood up to match her.

“No, do you?” Homura asked in rebuttal, though she didn’t know why she was so aggressive about it.

“All you ever do is sit in that spot and wallow in your self-pity,” Kyoko said. “If you want to say something to me, by all means, don’t just keep it to yourself!”

Homura transformed into her magical girl outfit almost immediately, and pulled out a glock. Kaname rushed in between them. “Stop!” she yelled. “What is this all about?”

“You know exactly what it’s about, Madoka,” Kyoko said. “Akemi is being herself, again. And I can’t take it anymore.” Kyoko pulled her lance out in a flash.

“Not in here! Not until Mami--” Kaname began crying. She had been doing that more and more lately, ever since they gave up on the search. Homura’s actions probably weren’t helping, either. “Just please…”

Kyoko lowered her weapon. “Let’s do this outside,” she said.

“Agreed.”

As they left, Gyuhey appeared, and began to look at Homura. She wasn’t sure what he was thinking, and he didn’t say anything to any of them.

***

With Kaname looking on in worry, Kyoko and Homura stared each other down. Now, this was the kind of staring that Homura enjoyed. It wasn’t fear, and it wasn’t anger. It was both of those combined.

A fierce storm was brewing. They needed to finish this match quick, or someone could get seriously hurt. Moreso than they were about to do to each other, that is.

“Kyoko, you’re… finally going to understand!” Homura said, realizing eloquence in speech was never her strongest suit.

Kyoko said nothing. Instead, she jumped into the air and slashed down at Homura. Homura dodged with a short burst of time-freeze, and began shooting at her. Kyoko blocked the bullets with her lance and hit the ground with a large thud. She was much closer than Homura realized she would be, and it caught her off-guard; Kyoko punched Homura in the face, and knocked her to the ground.

Homura quickly rebounded. The ground started to shake from the thunder in the sky, but Homura continued to fire at Kyoko. She dodged every hit, but not the one from when Homura threw her empty pistol and bashed her in the head. It was at that second of surprise that she was able to overpower her, and begin pummeling her with her own fists. Could she have just done this with time freezing? Yes, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as satisfying.

She whacked Kyoko in the stomach and roundhouse kicked her into the wall. She crashed down onto the concrete ground, and looked to be barely conscious. It began to rain in an instant, a downpour falling and soaking them both. Kaname rushed in between them and held Kyoko up on her shoulders.

“Please, Homura, can you stop this?” Kaname pleaded.

“Kaname-san…” Homura tried to ignore her and continue to fight, even in the middle of this terrible storm… but she saw the look in Kaname’s water-washed eyes, and everything came flooding back to her. Everything she loved so much, but had forsaken in her quest for… whatever her quest was about. She collapsed onto her knees and began to cry.

Kaname held out her free hand to Homura. “Let’s go in,” she said.

“I…”

And then the ground shook again.

Violently.

Homura realized that today was exactly the same day that Walpurgisnacht had arrived in the previous timeline. And she had failed to say a single thing about it to anyone else.

***

Homura once again stared. And this time, she stared down at Kaname’s dead body. It was like a television re-run; her body was strewn in almost exactly the same way, in yet another puddle on yet another destroyed road. The rain had stopped, but Homura never felt it; her tears more than made up for it.

Gyuhey appeared above Kaname’s body. Homura noticed, wiped her face, and stared at the white creature right in its beady green eyes.

“What will you do now, Homura Akemi?” he asked.

“I’m going to… try again,” she said. “I’m going to save Kaname-san. That was my wish.”

As she said this, Gyuhey’s eyes seemed to widen a little. But before he could say or do anything, Homura had already turned the dial, and was travelling back.

Back to the beginning, again.

 

 


	9. Chapter 7-3: Akemi, Part Two

Chapter 7-3

 

Homura was back in her bed.

Her… hospital bed.

“Again…”

She couldn’t protect Kaname from Walpurgisnacht… in fact, she was the reason she was dead in the end.

Her wish to Gyuhey was to protect Kaname… to save her. And yet…  it didn’t happen. She failed. Did that mean that she was to be sent back in time, to relive the same month over and over until she fulfilled it?

Had she trapped herself in an endless cycle, all just to save one girl? No-- Not “one girl”, Kaname-san. She was worth saving.

Homura got out of bed and looked at herself in the mirror. She still wore her dorky red glasses, and still had her long, braided hair. This wasn’t who she was anymore. That Homura… died a long time ago.

***

Homura, short hair and glasses-free, stood in front of the class, bowed, and wrote her name on the board. “My name is… Akemi Homura,” she said with a stutter. She still didn’t like so many people staring at her. It made her so uncomfortable…

She turned around and, for one brief moment, met eye contact with Kaname. Then she looked away. Homura decided she was not going to make the same mistakes a third time. Kaname, to her, was as notable as any other student sitting in the classroom.

Just one that was also a magical girl.

And one that she… loved.

***

“Good job!” Mami shouted from across the girder. “You defeated that witch in one blow!” She jumped across the railing and up to Homura, her breasts jiggling a couple times. The construction site was big, but it nearly toppled to the ground during their fight. If it happened, though, it would have been an unavoidable consequence. It was better than the witch destroying the lives of countless humans.

Homura had decided that revealing the source of her magical powers was probably an unwise decision, going forward, so this was the first time anyone had seen her work on display. “Just one question: Who are you?” Mami asked.

Kaname, still in her magical girl costume, jumped down from a perch and joined the two. “Her name is Akemi Homura. She’s in my class at school.” The way she said her name, Akemi, reminded her once again of her advice to be cooler. Was it working? She couldn’t tell.

“Is that so? Then I hope you will join the two of us in helping rid the world of witches,” she said.

“But will Kyoko Sakura also be joining us, Tomoe-san?” Homura asked. If so, then--

Apparently, this question caught Mami completely off-guard, and struck some sort of nerve. She quickly lost her pleasant expression, and almost looked a little angry. “How do you…”

“Who is she?” Kaname asked, innocently.

Mami struggled for a few moments to regain her composure, and still failed to recoup herself. “She’s my…” Tears were beginning to form on her cheeks. “My Ex…”

“Oh my…” Kaname said. “I’m so sorry!”

Homura had never known that before.

The narrative of the life of all of the magical girls was beginning to fit together, like a puzzle set. It all made sense now, why Kyoko suddenly showed up, and why Kaname fell into her arms with such ease, and why Homura didn’t learn about it for weeks. All of this that seemed so strange and confusing before finally made sense on a larger scale, when viewed from an outside perspective like this. She finally understood, she thought.

Mami wiped her face and glared at Homura. “How do you know her? Tell me.”

Without saying anything, Homura pivoted with her high-heels, and walked away from the other two magical girls. She jumped off the partially-built skyscraper and landed gracefully on her feet.

Homura wanted to say sorry in advance to Kaname. But instead, she merely tilted her head, looked back at the pink-haired girl of her dreams, and walked off. To her, Homura was little more than a stranger. And she was determined to keep it that way, for her sake.

She knew exactly what she needed to do now to defeat Walpurgisnacht. She couldn’t simply rely on Mami or Kaname anymore. This time, she was going to get everyone ready, but it was going to be on her terms.

***

Sayaka swung her dual cutlasses at Homura, gritting her teeth as the black-haired girl sidestepped and swayed and swooshed away from every slash. Homura slapped at her hand, knocking one of the swords out of her grip and forcing her to switch to single-wielding.

No matter what she did, Sayaka couldn’t hit her. After letting the girl get a few more attacks in, Homura ducked, swept her legs, and knocked Sayaka to the ground.

“Damn…” Sayaka said, breathing heavily. She propped herself up using her sword, and stood up. “If I wasn’t covered in sweat, I’d give you a handshake right now.”

“You’re getting better,” Homura said. She wasn’t sure if that statement was a lie or not; she may very well have been improving, though their duels together always ended the same way.

“Maybe…” Sayaka rubbed the back of her neck and laughed. “You’re so fast, though… What kind of magic power do you have, anyway?” Homura laughed inside at the thought of telling Sayaka that she wasn’t using her magic in the first place. Time stopping was a cheap way to win battles against other magical girls, so she decided she wouldn’t even bother wasting her energy anymore. That power was reserved for witches.

Homura looked at Sayaka and her hair. It was a bit longer than Homura’s current haircut, but still very short. “Have you ever considered growing your hair out?” Homura asked.

“Huh-uh,” Sayaka answered. “Why do you ask?”

“I just think it would look cute.” Sayaka blushed when Homura said this. The blush sort of reminded her of herself, every time she saw Kaname. In this timeline, she was determined to keep away from Kaname as much as possible, but...Homura was never going to be able to get over Kaname. She didn’t think that would ever happen at this point.

As Sayaka grabbed a towel, Homura took a few guns out of her hammerspace storage and began going through them, reloading them and cleaning the ones that were most frequently used. Her battles with witches were usually short, on account of the time-stopping thing and her partners, but that didn’t mean her guns didn’t need to be maintained properly.

“Hey!” a voice shouted, suddenly. And from the roof of the warehouse came Kyoko, jumping onto the floor in an action pose. “I’m back!” In her hands, she held a plate of brownies that she was rapidly clearing off.

“You don’t have to yell, Kyoko,” Sayaka said. She had already reverted back into her normal clothes, while Homura and Kyoko remained in their magical girl outfits. Homura liked to stay in her outfit as often as she could, just in case she needed to pause time or, in dire circumstances, revert the timeline, on short notice, but Kyoko just wanted to look cool.

“There’s a witch out near Mitakihara Middle,” she said. “We gotta go fight!”

Homura looked up from her guns. “Kaname-san and Tomoe-san have that part of the city under their protection.”

Kyoko grimaced. “What, and let them take all the reward for themselves? Do you think we couldn’t win?”

And then Homura realized that this was where she could take advantage of the situation for her plan. This was how she was going to train everyone to be ready for Walpurgisnacht, starting right here. “We could win,” she said.

Sayaka threw her hands into the air. “Madoka is one of my best friends. We can’t just go in and--”

“It’s not about friendship or favors or territory,” Kyoko said. “Homura right there told us all about that monster we’re trying to train to beat, and we both know we need all the grief seeds we can get.”

“You…” Sayaka transformed back into her magical girl outfit and summoned her cutlasses. Kyoko raised her spear.

Before they came to blows, Homura stood up and walked between them. “Please stop…” she said. “We have to work together to defeat Walpurgisnacht. If we fight each other, that’s just a waste of magical energy.”

Neither of them lowered their weapons, so Homura turned to Sayaka and stared her in the eyes. Sayaka stared back for a moment, with anger in her eyes… But she quickly blinked and lost her composure. Homura walked up to her and embraced her. “Please…” Sayaka returned the hug and calmed down. It felt warm, but… it wasn’t quite…

Homura stepped away from Sayaka and turned to Kyoko. She had already lowered her weapon. “We need to go to the witch’s lair. Kyoko’s right about that. But we won’t harm the others.”

“Do you promise?” Sayaka asked.

“For now,” she said. “As long as they don’t get in the way.”

***

This witch’s name was Francesca. She fought with more vigor and more rapidly than any other witch Homura had ever fought, but her abilities still made her much, much faster.

She riddled the witch with bullets, just as the other two pelted her with blasts and slashes. However, none of it seemed to work. It was extremely strong, and she had no idea why.

Once Francesca zoomed past the girls a few times, it suddenly stopped… and revealed the rest of its body underneath what they had been attacking; its gaping maw now poised to consume Kyoko and Sayaka.

Kyoko jumped to avoid it-- Sayaka… did not.

“Sayaka!” Kyoko shouted. She jumped at the witch and swung a mighty blow, but it only created a small cut.

The two remaining magical girls began attacking with all their might, but they could do nothing…

Until the witch suddenly stopped again… And then exploded. Where the witch previously stood, was Sayaka, covered in guts and goop of some sort. She nearly collapsed, but Kyoko caught her and stood her back up.

“I did it…” Sayaka said.

Homura looked at her and smiled. She rarely smiled anymore, but this time… it felt right She was so glad Sayaka was still alive…

The witch’s lair faded away, and the three magical girls found themselves back in the middle of an empty alleyway.

“That was intense,” Kyoko said, picking up the grief seed from the ground. She was already munching on a pack of crackers.

“You.”

All three of them turned to see… Mami and Kaname.

“I’m not letting you get away this time,” Mami said. “Kyoko Sakura.”

“Wha-- What did I--” Before Kyoko could finish her question, Mami dropkicked her and sent her flying into the brick wall.

“You three are impeding onto our territory,” she said, musket already drawn. Behind her, Kaname had her bow in her hands, though it was aimed at the ground and not at any of them. She had a dubious look on her face. “Gyuhey has made it clear that we are not to impede on each other’s territory, and you are grossly violating that.”

“You seemed to want us to join you a few weeks ago,” Homura said. “Do you hate Kyoko that much to enforce these arbitrary boundaries?”

Mami and Homura stared each other down. Homura tried as hard as she could to give away nothing from her eyes; Mami, on the other hand, looked extremely tepid, and overly emotional. She relented quickly, and lowered her weapon.

“I don’t want to see you around here again,” Mami said. “Madoka and I have this area under control. If we need you, we will make sure to contact you. Is that alright?”

“You act as if you hold all the cards in this game,” Homura began. “But your poker face is weak.”

Mami said nothing. Instead, she turned around to leave.

Kaname and Sayaka looked at each other with remorseful faces. Homura tried as hard as she could to pay no attention, but she was unable to notice. She knew she was tearing apart their friendship… But… if that was the cost of saving Kaname and defeating Walpurgisnacht, then she would gladly do it.

***

Homura and Sayaka sat against the wall in the empty warehouse, after another training session. In their sparring match, Sayaka had very nearly defeated Homura. It was a very rare occasion, and as such, Homura had decided to treat her and pay for her next meal. Kyoko was out getting that food at the moment, so that left them alone.

Sayaka’s smile was wide. She seemed extremely pleased with the world right now, almost bafflingly so. Homura felt confident that her current plan was going to end up succeeding, but even that was not going to get her to feel as happy as Sayaka.

“I think we are doing a great job,” Sayaka said.

“I agree,” Homura said. “We’re going to defeat Walpurgisnacht handily, I believe.” While she knew she was overestimating their chances at present, she didn’t want Sayaka to get discouraged by this or anything.

“Y’know…” Sayaka put her hands behind her head and leaned back on the wall. “I think I feel pretty confident right now. Life is… it’s going well.”

Homura kept silent. She didn’t think she could add anything beneficial to what Sayaka was saying right now. Her life was no longer marked by quality, but by how close to fulfilling her wish she was.

“I don’t think I made a mistake making my wish for Kyosuke, but… I think he’s happy without me.” Sayaka’s grin turned somewhat wistful. “And I guess Madoka and I are still friends. I think that will work out well.”

“Kaname-san…”

“Eh?”

“Nothing, sorry.” Homura blushed. She hadn’t thought of Kaname in a while… Well, a while meant a few hours, for Homura.

Homura wondered where Kaname was right now, and what she was doing. Was she as happy as Sayaka? She hoped so, and yet at the same time… the thought of her happiness without Homura in her life seemed almost devastating. It was selfish, but she couldn’t pretend it wasn’t how she felt.

“Maybe we’ll all be friends again in the end. I really hope we can team up and fight witches together.” She scooted herself closer to Homura, and laid her head on her shoulder.

“I think Mami will team up with us soon. She told me something about a very powerful witch that she was tracking down.” Sayaka seemed to nestle herself on Homura’s shoulder. She must have been very tired after their training, she thought.

They stayed like this for a long time, until Kyoko returned with their food.

***

Helen stood in front of the five magical girls. It was a massive beast, but with all of them together, there was no way it stood a chance.

“Are we all ready?” Mami asked. She took the leadership role for this battle, and Homura gladly let her; it would have been unwise to take it from her and encourage her to continue antagonizing Homura, Sayaka, and Kyoko.

“I’m ready,” Sayaka said.

Homura nodded in agreement. She stepped behind Kaname, prepared to protect her at all costs.

“I ain’t here to be ready. I’m here to win it!” Before the others could realize what had happened, Kyoko jumped at the witch and began attacking it. The monster roared into action and began sending out its attacks immediately.

Mami shot off what must have been eight muskets within the first seconds of the assault, while Kaname continuously fired off shots from her bow. Homura was extremely impressed at their efficiency, even at such a dire time as this.

Homura couldn’t help but stop and admire them. Even while pushing for a competitive rivalry between two teams to work towards a common goal, she never thought that they would push themselves so hard as to--

“Ahhh!!!!”

Kyoko was ensnared by one of Helen’s massive tentacles, and was being swung around. Kaname and Homura fired shots at the tentacle, but they weren’t strong enough to pierce it. Sayaka tried boosting herself up into the air and slicing it in half, but was busy trying to hack away at all the other tentacles coming towards her.

Should Homura use her time stop? She wanted to, but… It was only for special circumstances. She needed to conserve as much magical energy as possible.

Luckily, Mami began firing at the tentacle. She missed several of the blasts, but a few finally hit, and--

“Oh my God.”

Kyoko’s body, a hole through her chest, plummeted to the ground. Mami jumped up to catch it while Sayaka and Kaname kept blasting away.

Homura rushed over to where Mami held Kyoko’s body, and saw it-- she was gone; her soul gem had been shattered in the shot.

Mami tried to say something, but she seemed completely horrified.

Kyoko was dead. In a previous timeline, and with a less mature Homura, she would have been relieved. But this time, it was the worst thing to possibly happen.

And Mami had done it.

Homura didn’t have time to yell. She merely charged at Mami and began attacking her. As Helen disintegrated behind them, they began to fight. Kaname tried to jump in and save her, but Sayaka blocked her arrows with her cutlasses.

It didn’t matter anymore what Homura did. She dodged every blow Mami attempted to carry out, and dished a blow of her own in return. Mami used her hair magic to grab Homura’s foot and throw her to the ground, but Homura cut the strand before she could do it.

Kaname blasted a shot that hit Homura in the arm and made her drop her weapon that she still hadn’t fired. Kaname rushed to Homura and began attacking her herself.

Homura… took every single hit.

Sayaka saw this and tried to rush over to Homura’s aid, but Mami intercepted her, as if the four of them had traded dancing partners.

“Kaname-san…” Homura began before receiving a smack to the face. She plummeted to the ground, and saw as Kaname tried to kick her unconscious. Homura--

\--stopped time. She… she had to this time. She stood up and looked at the look on Kaname’s face. It was legitimate anger. Nothing like Homura had ever seen from her before. They didn’t exchange words or banter. Nobody tried to explain themselves. It was just a silent fight, wherein all four of them knew exactly the reasons.

But Homura couldn’t fight like this. Not with Kaname. She--

\--resumed time, and let Kaname kick the ground below her. But she backed away slowly, conceding herself in the fight.

Sayaka stopped attacking Mami, noticing what Homura was doing. She sped over to her side.

The last thing Homura could remember before running away was seeing Kyoko’s body spread out across the ground, and seeing Kaname’s bow drawn and pointed right at her face.

***

Homura sat on the floor, her arms around her knees. She buried her face in her thighs. The face that Kaname wanted to obliterate. The face that ended their chance at having a real magical girl team.

Of course Mami killing Kyoko was an accident. But she couldn’t help herself. Kyoko was a great ally… even… a friend. And now she was gone because of a misfire.

Everything went to shit.

“Homura…” It was Sayaka, who Homura hadn’t realized even entered the warehouse. She sat down next to her and put her arms around her. “I’m so sorry…”

“It’s fine, Sayaka,” Homura lied. “I just need some time to think for myself.”

“It’s been three days,” Sayaka said.

Homura raised her head and stared at Sayaka. Sayaka’s eyes were red and puffy, but they met Homura’s stare with a gentle gaze that Homura hadn’t seen since…

“Sayaka… Do you…”

Homura was unable to finish her sentence, because Sayaka leaned in and kissed her.

The kiss lasted longer than anything Homura had ever known.

Sayaka was the one who pushed away, when she noticed the tears forming on the edges of Homura’s eyes. She looked genuinely confused. “Homura?”

Homura once again was silent as she stood up and ran out of the warehouse towards… somewhere. Anywhere but here.

***

Homura found Sayaka sitting on a bench in the train station. She was alone, looking down at her lap. It was too dark to tell anything else.

“Sayaka… Where have you been?” she said, sitting down next to her. “We’ve been looking all over for you.” It was mostly Homura, but Mami and Kaname had begun looking for her as well starting yesterday.

“I killed him,” she said, simply. “I couldn’t stand it anymore. He was a witch in human form. He didn’t love me, and I… I couldn’t love him.” She didn’t sound sad. It was more… resigned.

“What?” It took a second for Homura to realize she was talking about Kyosuke, the boy Sayaka made her wish to save in the first place.

“And it’s the same thing with you. I can’t love anyone anymore, now.” Sayaka looked up at Homura, smiling. Her expression was more upsetting than anything that came out of her mouth.

“But Sayaka…”

“I know how you feel about Madoka,” she said. “I see it every time you look at her. You are really bad at hiding your feelings, Homura.” She laughed. “I can’t believe it. Two people, and they both turned out to be in love with my best friends. I’m such an idiot…”

In that instant, an explosion of black and blue knocked Homura ten feet into the air.

***

Kaname fired her last shot at Oktavia, and the Witch collapsed onto the stage, bellowing a dying screech. The lair faded away, and the magical girls were back in the real world.

“Sayaka…” Kaname couldn’t stop crying long enough to say anything but Sayaka’s name.

Homura tried to hold back her tears. She didn’t want the others to see. Not now. She stared at Kaname. This stare was without emotion; she was training to master the ability to look at people without giving away anything inside of her. It was better to hide her feelings, she realized. But… she didn’t think it was going to work.

Mami looked completely unhinged, sitting on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. “If magical girls become witches, then… What we kill are…” She didn’t finish the sentence, because they all knew what the answer was.

“It’s going to be okay,” Homura said. She wasn’t sure if that statement was a lie or not.

“We can’t be okay… We can only stop once we’re…”

“We can’t stop! We have to defeat Walpurgisnacht before it destroys the city.”

The whole room went silent.

Homura had forgotten about Walpurgisnacht once again, until just now. Sayaka took so much of her concern that she stopped thinking that far into the future. And yet… it was supposed to be summoned in less than a week.

It wasn’t enough time.

Mami had passed out, which was probably for the best; there was no reasoning with her at the moment about any of this.

Homura got on her knees and put her hands on Kaname’s shoulders. “Listen… We can fight Walpurgisnacht. We’re going to defeat it.” Kaname looked back at her and, silently, shook her head.

Within moments, Homura began crying as well.

***

Homura and Kaname laid on the ground, soaking in a pool of water. Walpurgisnacht was dead… just as they would be, soon enough.

“Mami’s dead, isn’t she…” Kaname asked, her voice weak and her body weaker.

Homura attempted to nod. “Yes…” She couldn’t move, but it was fine; neither could Kaname. “I’m glad…” Homura began. “I’m glad I met you… We finally defeated it together, Kaname-san… My wish was fulfilled…”

Kaname stared at the sky, still sprinkling with rain, but no longer storming. The sun was breaking through the formerly-fierce clouds. “What was your wish, Homura?” she asked with as weak a voice as Homura had ever heard.

“It was… to meet you again. And for me to be the one to defeat Walpurgisnacht... And I’m finally happy.” Homura cried, but she felt better than she had in what felt like years.

“But Homura… I’m not happy,” Kaname said. Kaname, the girl she loved, but also the girl who considered her barely more than a stranger in this timeline. Of course she wasn’t happy. “I don’t want it to end like this. I don’t want us to become witches…”

Homura’s eyes opened wide. “But we… We defeated Walpurgisnacht!” With the last of her strength, she stood up from where she laid. “You can’t…”

“Please… Homura…” Kaname said. She was unable to move anymore. “I want you to do something I couldn’t do. You can change everything… So that we don’t end up like this... Can you please go back in time before Gyuhey tricked me? I know you can do that.”

“But I…”

“You want to save me, right? Then you have to do this… please…”

Homura stood up with what little energy she had left. “I’ll… I’ll do it! I swear I’ll save you! I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe!”

She held up her hand, holding her Soul Gem. It was tainted and black. “Save… me…”

“But… Madoka!”

“You finally called me by my first name. I’m so happy…” Madoka let out several pained giggles.

Homura pulled a gun out hammerspace, and raised it. She stared at Madoka’s soul gem, and she continued to stare as it as it shattered into a million pieces. She couldn’t hear the gunshot over the sound of her sobs.

***

A grief seed plopped onto the wet ground next to Homura. As soon as she realized what it was, Gyuhey, that blue-and-green demon, was standing in front of her. “You’ll need to use that so that you too don’t become a witch. Your Soul Gem is still very tainted.”

“You…”

“Time travel, eh?” he asked rhetorically. “I never would have guessed. Your wish is a beautiful one, Homura Akemi. I believe you will make an excellent witch one day.”

“You… Why do you do this?!” Homura screamed. “You destroyed our lives!”

“But you were also granted whatever wish you desired. Isn’t that worth the consequences?”

“Of becoming a monster?”

“Oh, no, you won’t become a monster. Only special witches like Walpurgisnacht get that distinction.”

“What?” Homura stared at Gyuhey, who stared back at her with as little emotion as possible with those shimmering emeralds of his.

“The magical girl that would become Walpurgisnacht was even more successful than any of you; she made her double-wish and destroyed over fifty witches before she succumbed to her own injuries. A very valuable energy source indeed.”

“Double-wish…”

Gyuhey hopped up onto a higher ledge to get on eye-level with Homura. Gyuhey’s permanently-pleasant face was disgusting to look at. “It’s a second wish. You get to do it all again, and gain an even greater power. But once your Soul Gem expires, you become a monster; a being that is as powerful as what you defeated here today.”

“You’ve never said anything about this before.”

“You never asked. You magical girls never think to ask.”

Homura thought about slapping Gyuhey off the ledge, but decided otherwise. “So you want me to make a double-wish, is that it? You want me to become a monster?”

“Absolutely; your despair is great enough that we could collect a vast amount of energy from you. And you’d be a powerful enough monster to challenge a dozen magical girls at once. It would certainly be a sight to see!”

She hesitated for a moment. A monster as powerful as Walpurgisnacht? She… she couldn’t bring that on the world…

“I swear I’ll save you! I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe!”

But she had to.

Homura pressed her hands against her chest. “I’ll do it. And I won’t turn into a monster. I won’t let it happen.”

“I highly doubt that,” Gyuhey said. “But if you want to make your double-wish, then I am willing to let you become a monster. It’s your choice.”

“Then my second wish is…” Homura paused to gather her thoughts for the correct wording. “To go back one more time, and to save Madoka, so that we can live together, happily ever after!”

“Happily ever…” But before Gyuhey could understand the magnitude of the wish, Homura blasted forth with magical energy. She saw herself spiraling back in time, past events circling her, just like the last two times she went back.

Everything became blurry. This was… This was a very different travelling-back sequence than usual.

The shield on her wrist broke apart. It reformed, but it became something new-- a holographic computer screen. And her eyes burst forth with pain, and then flashed for just a second. Text began appearing in front of her eyes, scrolling too fast for her to read. A red visor formed in front of her right eye with searing heat.

Finally, as the spiraling began to slow, one phrase popped up in front of her face:

“Welcome to the Cybernet, Neoakemi.”


	10. Chapter 7-4: Akemi, Part 3

Chapter 7-4

Homura woke up once again. Her hair was still long and braided, she still had her glasses, and she still had her soul gem on her hand. It all felt so familiar, and yet she realized something was extremely different.

She waved in front of her face… And images and text began flashing everywhere. She tried waving it all away, but it wouldn't stop. What was this?

And then she remembered:  _"Welcome to the Cybernet, Neoakemi."_

It all came back to her in a flash: the double-wish, all her failures in the previous timeline, everything. "Oh man, I'm fucked…" she muttered.

She felt so dizzy… All these flashing Cybernet things weren't helping, either. She wanted to throw up… But… no. She was stronger than that.

Oh man… Oh man… She remembered what happened to Sayaka, and then to all the others when they attempted to fight Walpurgisnacht. That was a true hell, and it was all Homura's fault.

As she thought about Sayaka, images of her started flashing in front of her eyes. Pictures from various social media profiles, her yaoi fanart from years ago- everything. What the hell…

She took her glasses off, because at this point they were just hurting her eyes, when combined with this Cybernet stuff. As she removed them, she remembered the other part of her double-wish transformation, and looked at her left forearm. She made some waving gestures, and surely enough, a holographic computer screen, complete with a keyboard, sprung up. She wondered… What was Kana- No, Madoka doing right now? So she typed "Madoka Kaname", let the screen load for a second…

And a chatbox appeared.

"What?" Homura was very- On the chatbox, the word 'What' appeared. "What the hell?" That too. "No… stop!" Something beeped. "Did that… work?" Nothing came up on the chatbox.

A chatbox… Homura had no idea what this was supposed to be for, or how it worked. She was able to use this screen on her wrist to augment the information appearing in her eyes (presumably a result of that visor that formed in front of her during her secondary transformation), but she wasn't sure exactly how they interacted. Maybe the eye part let her access the databases of the Cybernet, while the wrist part let her communicate-

"What is this thing?" popped up on the chatbox. On the thumbnail next to those words was a small picture of… Madoka.

Homura typed up a message. "I'm not sure. What are you seeing on your end?"

A few minutes later, she received a message. "A giant text box appearing in the air next to me. It's really strange."

"I'm sorry; I don't know how this works. Are you typing these messages or using voice commands?"

"I am typing it," Madoka wrote. "There is a holographic keyboard below each message. How are you doing this?"

"I don't know," Homura wrote. "It is very strange. I am only testing it out now."

"Who are you?"

Oh yeah. Once again, Homura was a stranger. One that only appeared in text box form, at that. "I am Homura Akemi. I am supposed to transfer to your class in Mitakihara Middle next week and I need to tell you about-" No, no… she backspaced that. "My name is Homura Akemi; I'm a second-year middle schooler. Who are you?"

"My name is Madoka Kaname. You can call me Madoka. I'm also a second-year middle schooler!" Homura's heart began racing. It was like… something new. Like an all-new life that she could finally do right, after all these massive screw-ups.

"What are you doing right now?"

"I'm trying to save this cat. It got hit by a car. :("

Homura's memory jogged… Cat… Cat… Oh no. That's where Gyuhey met Madoka in every single timeline! "No! Please don't try to save that cat! Trust me! I really need you to trust me, is that OK?"

A response did not come for several minutes, until, finally: "OK. I don't think it was going to make it anyway. :("

Whew. That was an extremely close call.

_"Can you please go back in time before Gyuhey tricked me? I know you can do that."_

_"But I…"_

_"You want to save me, right? Then you have to do this… please…"_

She had to be careful with Madoka in this timeline. She had to fulfill her promise. Her double-wish.

Homura typed her next message slowly. "Do you want to meet me and test out this technology I have?"

* * *

"Where did it come from?" Madoka asked. They sat in a coffee shop; Homura tried sipping at her coffee, but it was extremely hot, and showed no signs of cooling off any time soon. She wondered if coffee shops heated their drinks so much in order to keep customers there longer. It would be an ingenious plot, if true. "It is a very weird device; I've never seen anything like it." Madoka seemed much more interested in her Cybernet computer than Homura, strangely enough.

"It came from…" Homura tried to come up with a good excuse… but she couldn't think of one... "Listen, Madoka. I want to tell you something very serious."

"Yes?" Madoka cocked her head to the side.

"I'm… I am a magical girl. I was tricked into gaining great powers by a strange being known as Gyuhey, but the cost was too great, and now I am trapped, reliving the same month over and over, trying to save you from certain death. I used to have the power to control time, but I now have this strange technology to work with."

Madoka didn't respond for a few seconds. "Oh my," she said, finally. She then burst into laughter.

"Ah…" Homura blushed intensely.

"You're really cute, Homura," Madoka said. "Do you braid your hair every day, or do you keep it like that?"

"Madoka…" She forgot that her hair was still long. Also, she was very much a non-fan of Madoka changing the subject like that. Did her story really sound so unbelievable that it was completely comical?

"I'm sorry. I just really like your hair like that."

"Well… I've been meaning to get it cut. I like it better short now."

"That might be even cuter! When are you going to get it done?"

Homura stared at Madoka and felt the same feelings she had been feeling for this entire wretched lifetime since she became a magical girl. She had to make it this time, please… This was her last timeline; she lost her powers, and this was her final attempt. It couldn't go wrong, or else she was done. "Actually… I wanted to get it done today," she said. "Do you want to go with me?"

"Hmm… I'll call my dad to see when I need to be back."

* * *

"Better late than never, I always say," said Madoka's father as Homura and Madoka entered the house and walked into the kitchen. It was the definition of a sleek, post-modern home, with strange architecture and even weirder decor. However, it was much nicer than Homura's apartment, so it was a welcome change.

"Dad," Madoka began. "Meet Homura Akemi. She's my new friend." Her heart skipped a beat upon hearing the word "friend" from Madoka. It had been so long since that was actually a true statement.

Madoka's mother, still in business attire, entered the kitchen and checked this new friend out. "You never said your new friend was going to look so pretty!" she exclaimed. "I love your haircut. It's so stylish!" All of these compliments were going to go to Homura's head if they didn't stop, she could feel it…

"Mom! You're home!" Madoka ran over to her mother and hugged her. Apparently, Madoka's mother worked very late or something.

"Everyone, it's time to eat," Madoka's father said. "Let's all sit down."

They all sat in their chairs; Homura sat right next to Madoka, and she dipped her some spaghetti from the bowl. She hadn't had Italian food in a very long time, so she wasn't sure what to expect.

"Don't worry," Madoka whispered. "My dad's tomatoes are some of the best in the whole world! You'll love it."

Sure enough, Homura began eating the spaghetti, and instantly fell in love. "Delicious," she said. Everyone else at the table laughed.

Homura looked over at the high chair and stared at Madoka's brother Tatsuya. They met each other's eye, and for a moment, she felt like he was actually returning her stare with one of his own. Had they… met somewhere before?

Before she could think of this any further, Madoka's mother began speaking to her. "You're the first girl Madoka's brought over before, you know," she said. "You ought to consider yourself lucky."

"Mom…"

"Well it's true, isn't it?" she laughed. Homura felt like she could no longer blush, because her face was simply going to remain permanently red.

"Um… I wanted to tell you something," Homura said suddenly. "I'm… transferring to your school next week, Madoka."

"Eh?"

She had no idea why she just said that. "I… I have no idea why I just said that," she said.

"That's really nice," Madoka's mother said. "Maybe you'll be in the same class."

"We… we are," Homura said. This was a little awkward.

Madoka didn't seem creeped out by this though; she seemed very happy, actually. "Next Monday, right?"

Homura nodded.

"Well then, I can't wait for that," she said.

Neither could Homura, honestly.

Homura smiled for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

"I don't know…" Sayaka said. "She seems kinda suspicious, if you ask me…" Homura felt like twisting her hair in her finger out of anxiety, though of course there wasn't much there for her to do that with.

The three of them stood on the roof. It was the first time Homura stood up here in this timeline, but it had to be the thousandth time she had done it through the past few months. Well, months in her own point of view.

"Sayaka, stop being so mean," Madoka said. "Homura is very cool! She isn't weird or anything." Homura very much doubted that she wasn't weird. After all, she met Madoka in this timeline by communicating her through the Cybernet…

Sayaka looked at Homura and squinted for a second before relaxing her expression. "You seem fine, I guess. I just feel like… something's a little off here." She took one step closer. "Like you have something to hide…" Homura blushed, and Sayaka started laughing. "Oh, man, you're so precious."

Precious… So she still didn't exactly exude that "coolness" she had been working so hard to perfect. That was somewhat disappointing.

"Anyway," Sayaka said. "Just don't upset Madoka! Alright, transfer student?"

"I'll protect her at any cost," Homura said with an incredibly serious tone.

Sayaka cracked up again.

* * *

Homura and Madoka walked home from school. It had been a few days at school, and Homura had once again adjusted to her new life here. It was the exact same school and the exact same events as every other timeline, but this time she felt much more confident. About everything. Right now, she felt like doing nothing else but grabbing Madoka's hand and keeping her next to her for the rest of time, but she kept having to remind herself that Madoka had only met her a few days ago, unlike the seeming eternity that Homura had known Madoka.

"I wish Sayaka were here," Madoka said. "But she said she had to go see Kyosuke today, so- Oh, I'm sorry. Kyosuke is…"

"Sayaka's crush," Homura finished without realizing.

"Ah… Yes, you're right…"

She didn't know what was getting into her this time. Maybe her whole charade of hiding her time travel was finally beginning to unravel? Could she keep this up any longer? "I'm sorry," she said. "I just… I noticed the way she talked about him."

Madoka tried to think back to when Sayaka brought him up, and scratched her head in confusion. She never did bring him up, though it seemed that Madoka wasn't paying quite enough attention to know that. "Well, I really hope she's happy right now…"

Yes… so did Homura. Because unhappy meant magical girl, and magical girl inevitably meant witch. She had to make sure-

At that moment, Homura felt a chill down her spine. She realized she knew someone was watching. And the Cybernet did too, as images of newspaper clippings citing certain "strange sightings" slid into her view.

It was Gyuhey, of course.

That blue-and-green demon of her nightmares.

"Madoka. We need to go somewhere safe," she said. Before Madoka could respond, she grabbed her hand and began running towards a very crowded clothes store. The more people around, the better protected Madoka was from Gyuhey. She was finally holding Madoka's hand, just… not in the way she expected.

"Homura!" Madoka yelled. They were now in the middle of the store and people were starting to look at them strangely for running inside when there was no rain or anything of the sort. Madoka was yelling and everyone had turned their heads towards them. "What are you doing, Homu-"

Homura plugged her up with a kiss. Right in the middle of the store. People started reflexively looking away, and she was able to divert attention away from them by sneaking around to the jeans section.

"Homura!" Madoka whispered harshly.

"I had to do it," Homura whispered back.

Apparently, Madoka had been on a complete mental delay, because at that moment, she suddenly locked up, realizing what Homura had done. "Y-You…"

"I...I- Uh. Oh." Homura realized she probably just used that moment as an excuse to kiss her- Shit. That was Homura's first kiss with Madoka. She very nearly fainted.

"Homura, I didn't know you… um... " Madoka trailed off.

"I didn't… I mean…" Homura straightened herself out and regained her composure. "I need to explain something to you."

* * *

"You mean on the day we met, you were telling the truth after all…" Madoka said. "Wow! I guess… This explains your weird computer stuff too, right?"

Homura transformed back into her school clothes.

"Yes," Homura said. "And all of this is why you need to trust me about everything I say. Gyuhey is going to stop at nothing to ensnare us all for his insane goals, and you're the most precious one to him. You make a very powerful magical girl, but also a very powerful witch, and I can't let that happen to you."

Homura looked at her soul gem… It was very dull; she hadn't fought a witch for quite some time, and it was starting to show. "I have to fight these witches to survive, or else I will turn into one. It's an endless cycle, and I am never going to be able to get past it. But you can still be saved.

"Homura…"

"So please. Will you stay out of all this magical girl business?"

Madoka nodded, and then grabbed Homura's hand and raised it up to her face. "I'll do everything I can to help you."

"Um…" That wasn't exactly the answer she was hoping for. "Everything except turn into a magical girl yourself, right?"

"Uh, right."

"Thank you."

Homura let go of Madoka's hand began looking off into the distance of the city. It was sunset, and nearly dark. She knew Madoka would have to go home very soon, so she began to depart from her. "Now, I need to go fight a witch or two to purify my soul gem. If you will excuse me…" She knew the locations of every single witch in the city by now, practically, though she had no idea how she would use her new Cybernet powers to fight the witches, instead of her time-freezing and hammerspace. She wished the double-wish simply added to her powers, rather than changing them completely...

But before she could leave, Madoka stepped in front of her. "But you and I.. Are we really…?"

"Really what?"

"Well, after what we did in the clothes store, I thought you were sort of… confessing… to me." Madoka's blushing face seemed to be even brighter than Homura's usually was. Which it was at this very moment, as soon as Madoka said this.

"I was… I was just trying to…" For all the time Homura had spent as a magical girl, she always forgot that, in the beginning of each timeline, she HAD just recovered from extensive heart surgery. So her heart was not very good at… taking sudden assaults like this. It began to race, and beat to the point that it hurt too much to stand.

"Homura? Are you alright?"

"Yes…" Homura said in between the pained beats. "I'm just… really happy right now."

"You're going to be a lot less happy if you don't explain yourself right now," a voice said. Homura and Madoka both turned around and saw- Mami Tomoe, standing there in full magical girl regalia. No- not magical girl regalia. It was… a military officer's uniform?!

"Mami?!" Homura shouted in pure shock.

"Who the hell are you? Tell me, maggot!" Mami lifted her gun and pointed it at Homura. It wasn't a normal musket like usual, but instead, a custom-designed rifle that could clearly hold many more than one shot.

"My name is Homura Neoakemi!" she answered. "Now lay your weapon- Neoakemi?" In her visor flashed images of herself from all periods of life, and every single one of them was corrected to have "Neoakemi" as her last name. "What does this even mean?" Madoka and Mami both seemed very confused by Homura, so she tried to brush it off. "Nevermind that! Mami, please lower your weapon so that we can explain what's going on."

She refused to do so. "I don't know anything about you except for what Gyuhey told me, but I know you're a foe of mine!" she yelled. "You're trying to capture witches so you can unleash them all on the populace and harvest their grief seeds like a farm!" What a completely needlessly elaborate lie that was. Gyuhey was nothing if not… well, completely insane.

"Um… No I'm not!" Homura yelled back. This yelling was getting really annoying, as well.

"Gyuhey begs to differ, Neoakemi-san. Who am I going to trust more? My protector, or a villain like you?"

"What the hell? Gyuhey is very obviously the bad guy here. How did we even get tricked by that asshole?" Homura was more fed up with this than she could possibly put into words.

"It doesn't matter now what excuses you have," Mami began. "Because I made my double-wish to become strong enough to defeat you!"

"You… Oh no." Homura turned to Madoka. "Please run."

Madoka did so, just in time for Mami and Homura to jump at each other, each with soaring punches instead of guns like what was expected.

Homura was still faster than anyone else could possibly hope to catch up with, so she was handily defeating Mami in hand-to-hand combat. Mami must have quickly realized this as well, because she jumped backwards and pulled out two rifles that she began firing at Homura.

"Shit!" Homura shouted. Without her time-freezing powers, she'd be-

A magical barrier, exuding from her Cybernet computer, blocked each of the shots. She had no idea how she activated it, but she was extremely glad she was not dead.

Mami then used her hair-magic that she was wont to use, but in this instance, she created several monstrous-looking soldiers, each holding their own weapons and firing at Homura. This must have been the result of her double-wish, and Homura was not going to be able to adapt to it very quickly.

How could she fight back? She had no idea how to use any of her technology for any actual witch-battling purposes, let alone fighting another magical girl!

She began typing furiously on her computer, whose magical barrier was beginning to crack. "How to use this damn thing for battle," she wrote, and then pressed enter. In her visor appeared a dozen how-to manuals and hundred-page guides. "This isn't helping me!"

One of the hair-soldiers switched to a shotgun (made of hair) and blasted away at Homura's shield. It was not going to last very long at all.

"Surrender now, and I'll spare you," Mami said. "At least until I let Gyuhey decide your fate, that is," she added.

No amount of jumping and dodging was going to get her out of this one this time.

With all her heart, she hoped something would work…

She focused her entire mind on one word: "Attack."

A giant beam of light burst forth from her left hand and plowed through the hair soldiers, destroying them all. Mami was so caught off-guard from the attack that she fell backwards, the array of medals on her chest bouncing several times along with her… well, the rest of her chest.

Homura used this moment to escape, and she was very glad she was too fast to keep up with. Hopefully Madoka got far enough away… please…

* * *

"You want me to make a double-wish?" Sayaka scoffed. "If everything else you're saying is true, you're insane."

"I know it sounds crazy, but it's the only way we can bring balance to this situation, and actually defeat Walpurgisnacht at the end of the month. Otherwise, it's going to end up like every single other timeline I've been through, especially with that maniac General Tomoe going around blasting everyone."

"You have to believe her!" Madoka told Sayaka.

"Easy for you to say, Miss Not-a-Magical-Girl." Sayaka crossed her arms. "If I'm already destined to become a witch and curse everyone around me, why would I want to become an even more horrible monster?"

"Because… If we succeed, we will never become witches or monsters or any of that," Homura said.

"I sincerely doubt that," Sayaka said. "I'm starting to regret ever becoming a magical girl in the first place…"

"As you very, very well should." Though Homura thought about it; given the chance to make her original wish again and try to save Madoka from dying, would she do it again?

Of course she would.

So no, she couldn't say she would ever regret her wish, in the end.

Madoka pleaded to Sayaka. "Don't you think Kyosuke will think of you even more highly if you're strong enough to save the entire world?"

Homura yelped. "Ah, Madoka, don't-"

"You may be right…" Sayaka said. "I'll consider it."

No amount of facepalming was going to help Homura right now.

This was a horrible, terrible idea, and Homura already realized nothing good would come of it. But she needed to defeat Walpurgisnacht, and she needed to keep Madoka safe, and maybe this would help.

* * *

"I don't know why you wanted to meet me here," Mami said as the two of them stood in the middle of a cramped hallway in a deserted office building. "But if you want to give yourself up, I'll be glad to take you in. Gyuhey will be proud."

"Why did you waste your double-wish on such a trifling matter as defeating me?" Homura asked. "Surely there are better things you could have chosen."

"It's because I can't stand to see magical girls go astray." Mami pulled out her weapons and summoned two hair-soldiers. "And as General Tomoe, I cannot let any troops go AWOL without punishment. I act according to Gyuhey's will, and his will is to bring you in."

"Good enough reason to me," Homura said, summoning a light-based bow-and-arrow with Cybernet. She finally figured out how to use her computer to fight, and it was going to come in handy. "Though we both know the real reason why you hate my presence so much- because you're still hurt from Kyoko Sakura."

Mami froze; her hair-soldiers dissipated. "How do you know that name?"

"Because she's with me now!" Kyoko Sakura burst through the wall like a skinny Japanese female Kool-Aid Man, brandishing her new weapon, a Pocky-spear. Her new name, apparently, was Kyokannibal, based after her new ability to gain the powers of whatever she ate, but all these double-wish names were extremely stupid, Neoakemi probably being the worst of the bunch."

Mami began scowling, and even more hair-soldiers popped up from the ground. "You're under arrest, Kyoko Sakura! For I, General Tomoe, am going to bring the both of you to justice!"

"No you can't. Nobody can," said someone else. From the other side of the hallway burst Sayaka through a wall like a blue raspberry-flavored Japanese female Kool-Aid Man. Except she looked positively… hopeless. Oh no, was she about to turn into-

"Before you say anything, Neoakemi," said Sayaka. "I'm fine. But only as fine as everything else in the world, which is… not very fine at all." It was as if someone took her entire body, and lowered the saturation by 20%; she looked gray, and that was speaking literally.

Her weapons seemed to be the same cutlasses as always. But Sayaka herself seemed completely different. "I'm not Sayaka anymore," she said. "I'm Sayakan't."

"I like Negasayaka better myself," said Gyuhey, that blue bastard, who had appeared at the end of the hallway just now. "But I only come up with the preliminary names. They do not end up mattering that much, so you are free to choose whatever you want. Even you, Neoakemi."

This hallway was way too cramped for this.

The nearest elevator opened, and out came Madoka, holding Hitomi and Kyosuke by her hands. They seemed completely out of it. "Everyone, please help! They won't respond to anything I say! It's like they're in some sort of… trance!"

"It's pointless, Madoka. They have a witch's kiss," Sayakan't said. "The only way to save them is to kill the witch that has entrapped them, but there's really no reason to bother doing that."

"Can we cut all this crap out?" Kyokannibal asked. "I just wanted to beat Mami up for being an asshole and dumping me." Dumping her… Homura seemed to have gotten that story completely wrong, somehow.

"I agree with Kyoko," Homura said. "I challenged Mami to a duel to win her over to my side. All I want to do is gather a team to fight Walpurgisnacht, not start some sort of magical girl civil war…"

"Like you can defeat Walpurgisnacht," Gyuhey said in what should have been a sarcastic line, but instead was one delivered completely sincerely. "I have my doubts that anyone can defeat that witch, even after making their double-wishes."

"Well I've seen it done many times," Homura said. "This time will be no exception."

Everyone but Madoka and Sayaka looked at her strangely, and she remembered she never explained to everyone else about her adventures in time travel. It didn't matter.

"Gyuhey… Can you explain all of this madness?" asked General Tomoe.

"I'd rather not."

"Then should we find the witch responsible for these two students and bring it to justice?" asked General Tomoe once again.

"Fine with me.

The four magical girls, with nothing left to do, teamed up and defeated the witch within three minutes of entering its lair.

* * *

Homura woke up suddenly.

Oh… Whatever it was, it was just a nightmare. She couldn't remember it anymore, but whatever it was, it scared her immensely.

She realized Madoka's arm was wrapped around her… She must have climbed into her bed during the night. She hated having to watch over Madoka every single night the past few weeks, but it did have its benefits, including maximum cuddling time.

"Madoka…" she whispered. "Are you awake?"

"Hnnnnnn... Homu…."

"I'll take that as a no." Homura laid her head back down on her pillow and tried to go back to sleep.

It didn't work very well. She was just too anxious.

She was extremely glad that Gyuhey had decided to stop telling Mami to try and kidnap Madoka, but she wasn't so sure that Sayaka and Kyoko wouldn't try to do the same themselves, or that Mami would try again anyway.

Apparently, double-wishing makes people a little… mentally unstable, because all three of the other magical girls had gone completely nuts. General Tomoe blindly followed the orders of Gyuhey, who wasn't even trying to hide his obviously-evil nature, and didn't seem to be able to reason with anyone. Kyokannibal was even more of a glutton than before, and was obsessed with challenging everyone to battles after not being able to fight Mami in the hallway way back when. Negasayaka was so completely nihilistic that she was the most unpredictable and impulsive one in the group; there was no telling what she'd do, because she no longer cared about the consequences of anything she did.

That magical girl civil war concept very quickly became a reality, and now all four of them were fighting each other for seemingly no real reason other than the insanity of everyone involved. Homura had no idea why she never snapped; maybe her experience in so many timelines helped her get past that? She couldn't figure it out.

But as long as Madoka was safe, and as long as Walpurgisnacht was eventually defeated… Everything was alright with Homura.

"I love you," she said to Madoka before trying to go back to sleep.

"Rabu tsu…" Madoka muttered, still asleep.

She brushed her hand through Madoka's hair and closed her eyes.

* * *

Homura and Madoka walked, hand-in-hand, down a very busy street. The skies were darkening, the rain had already begun pouring from the sky, and Homura knew that Walpurgisnacht was going to come in about two days. So she only needed to keep Madoka safe for another, well, two days, before she could finally fulfill the first part of her wish. She would be so happy.

They had to continue to be in large crowds so that none of the other magical girls couldn't attack. Because if there's something none of them wanted at all, it was getting the whole world to notice as-

"Hold it right there, you two! General Tomoe is here to capture you both!"

Oh, fuck.

Mami, riding the giant snake-like witch Charlotte that she had apparently captured earlier, was destroying cars left and right, and shooting at Homura in the middle of public, with absolutely no regard to the civilians around them.

"You have to stop this, you madwoman!" Homura shouted. She transformed into a magical girl and began throwing cluster bombs made of light. Luckily, her weapons could hit only the targets she desired, so she didn't need to be especially careful. The Cybernet was great that way.

Three bombs impacted on Charlotte and knocked her to the ground. Mami jumped off the witch and began chasing after Homura through the fleeing crowds.

"Homura! Where do we go?" asked Madoka, barely keeping up with her.

"I don't know! Just follow me, alright?"

But in the middle of all the people, and all the explosions-

She lost her.

"MADOKA!" She screamed, but the blasts from Mami's dozens of hair-soldiers as well as the shrieks from Charlotte, now loose and wreaking havoc all over the city (and somehow visible to non-magical humans now, apparently) covered her voice up.

"MADOKA!" Mami jumped down and swiped at her with her rifle's bayonet, but she roll-dodged out of the way and knocked her over with a light-disc. "MADOKA! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Kyokannibal swooped in and punched Homura in the face, knocking her to the other side of the street. That must have been payback for the second timeline…

"Y'all about to face some pain," Kyokannibal said almost incomprehensibly, chomping down on a lollipop. She suddenly gained the power to shoot blue spirals out of her arms, because that made any sense at all, and blasted away at Mami and Homura. Both of the magical girls dodged, but the spirals crashed through a nearby building and wrecked its first floor completely. The building started to collapse on itself. The three of them darted away as quickly as they could

But Negasayaka, standing right underneath it, simply stood there, watching the rest. "I don't know why you bother running. It's not like our soul gems won't just heal our bodies in a few minutes anyw-" The building crashed and fell on top of her.

Kyoko and Mami jumped back and forth, bouncing against the walls of buildings and attacking each other. Having consumed a pack of sno-balls, Kyoko somehow gained the power to shoot pink orbs of death out of her mouth, so the two of them were blocking each other's shots, timed perfectly.

Homura looked everywhere she could for Madoka. Not a single person with pink hair persisted in the area. Perfect. She had completely lost her.

"What is wrong with all of you?!" Homura angrily asked the others as they kept fighting. "I can't find Madoka, and all you want to do is fight each other!" As she said this, Negasayka leapt to attack her, but she dodged, and Negasayaka hit the concrete head-first.

She left the battle, though Mami appeared to be giving chase. She raced down alleyways, looked through the empty buildings… and nothing. Where could she be?

She suddenly realized- She typed in a message on her keyboard. "Madoka! Where are you?"

Only seconds later, Madoka replied, with only a location marker. Homura ran towards it with all her might, avoiding sno-ball blasts and attacking hair-soldiers along the way.

Once she got there.. "No! MADOKA!"

Madoka stood over Gyuhey, and held her hands to her chest, just the same as Homura had done.

"It's okay, Homura," she said. "I'm doing this for the best. You're still going to save me."

Homura was about to burst into tears. "Madoka! But we can't live happily ever after if you're a-"

"You are the one that said that we don't have to become witches or monsters," Madoka said, giving a smile to reassure her. "I love you, Homura." She turned to Gyuhey and narrowed her eyes. "Yes, Gyuhey. I'm going to use both of my wishes!"

"Go forward, Madoka Kaname!"

"No!"

"I wish to save the world from all evils that plague it! And then, I wish to save Homura and the others from themselves!"

That… was an extremely badly-worded wish.

One blinding burst of light later, and Madoka was now wearing a black robe with a hood, and was wielding a giant scythe almost twice as long as she was tall.

"Go forth Shinigamidoka!" Gyuhey said. "I believe you will become our greatest magical girl, and then our greatest monster. Thank you so much."

Shinigamidoka ignored that and stared straight at Homura. She knew that stare; it was the one that Homura had trained herself to-

Madoka lunged forward and kissed Homura. "Let's save the world," she said as she broke away.

"Yes. Let's."

Kyoko, Mami, and Sayaka were just about to reach the plaza where Homura and Madoka stood, and Madoka raised her scythe. "You three have been judged by Shinigamidoka! You will be purified!"

Uh-oh.

The three of them did not seem to care much of what she just said, and they continued to race towards her to attack, so she jumped at them and sliced her scythe. Sayaka's cutlasses tore in half vertically.

Charlotte, bursting out of a skyscraper, plummeted mouth open, towards Shinigamidoka. But she merely looked up, tossed her weapon, and cut the witch in half. It exploded in a fiery burst of special effects.

"MY BABY!" General Tomoe screamed. "THE BRIG IS TOO KIND FOR WHAT YOU'LL EXPERIENCE!" At this, she summoned an absolutely incredible number of hair soldiers, every single one of them designed to attack Madoka.

Homura wouldn't stand for this, though. She created a bow-and-arrow and began firing bursts of energy at each of them. She had no experience using this weapon for combat aside from training sessions with Madoka in the second timeline, but it felt completely natural to her. It was as if the Cybernet was entering her consciousness and teaching her how to become adept at any skill she wished for.

Each of the hair soldiers went down and exploded into yellow strands. General Tomoe, however, was too focused on shooting down Madoka to notice that her army had already been decimated. The two zoomed around in the air, and bullets flew practically everywhere.

Sayakan't stood among the rubble of a downed skyscraper and watched the battle above her. "I don't really care about this anymore," she said. "I think I just want to go home." Several explosions in the distance went off and the ground shook violently for fifteen seconds. Almost every building in a three-block radius collapsed."I assume that this means my home probably no longer exists."

"What the hell was that?" Kyokannibal asked, rapidly consuming every single piece of food held within her six arms before jumping back into the sky and attacking both General Tomoe and Shinigamidoka.

Homura was somewhat confused as to why they weren't actively trying to kill her right now. Was Madoka the only one that mattered now? What was the point in all those explosions? Where did they come from, anyway?

Lightning began striking from the sky, and the thunder rumbled loudly. One of the bolts hit Kyoko and sent her flying to the ground. There was more lightning at once than anything Homura had ever seen, and she had lived in Florida in the United States for three years as a child.

Something was wrong. Something-

"STOP!"

Everyone, Gyuhey included, turned their heads. In the sky, slowly floating towards the scene of the battle was a teenage girl in her school uniform. She looked unremarkable in almost every way, but Homura realized something was extremely off about all of this.

She descended to the ground and touched down near some rubble. Even though the rainstorm had begun to pick up, no raindrops fell on this girl's head. It was as if some sort of barrier was protecting her from them.

Another girl walked up next to her. She had the same uniform on, and had strangely-grayish hair, despite being a teenager as well. And while she did not seem to possess the incredible powers of the other girl, her smile was twisted and her stare was harsher than anything Homura had ever been able to make.

"My name is Kiiko Kawakami," the girl with the powers said. "And I have been informed that this universe is one of the most powerful out there. So I wish to practice my skills on all of you."

The other girl stepped forward and bowed. "My name is Aaya Saito," she said. "What Kiiko means by this is, she is going to kill all of you, and destroy your planet. My apologies in advance if this is upsetting to you. Please don't take it personally."

Homura saw the look in Kiiko's eyes. A look of someone who had given up, like Negasayaka, but someone who still possessed enough rage to do something about it. And it was terrifying.

For the first time in a long time, Homura was truly scared. And she was right for it, because Walpurgisnacht spawned at this very same moment.


	11. Chapter 8: Battle Duel

Chapter 8

 

Now, back to the main story…

 

Madoka had scarcely enough time to dodge a gigantic beam of light headed right towards her. It actually hit the side of her magical girl uniform and singed it quite badly, which sucked because she just got this new uniform three months ago and was already going to have to replace it.

Beside her, the Madoka with a giant scythe, draped in black, looked beaten badly but more determined than anyone she had ever seen. The black Madoka saw her and pointed at her with her scythe-free hand. “You!” she shouted. “I don’t know who you are, but you need to help us!”

“Uh, from what?”

“From that!” She pointed, with her scythe, at the being floating at the sky, who several other magical girls were currently dueling. “Her name is Kiiko Kawakami, and she’s completely wrecked our planet!”

“Huh?”

The emo-looking Madoka motioned over to someone, who dropped down from one of the many nearby derelict skyscrapers. It was none other than… this universe’s Homura Akemi! Yes! Finally! Madoka ran over to hug her, but was instantly repelled by the other Madoka, blocking her path with her scythe. “Neoakemi, if you would, please give these magical girls the information we need.” Madoka took a closer look at this “Neoakemi” and realized that she had some marked differences from the Homura she knew and formerly loved. She had a robot eye, for one, and a bunch of weird transparent technology instead of her normal weapons and shield. She also had short hair, for some reason. This was really weird and different and Madoka wasn’t sure if she liked it. All of these changes seemed really bizarre and out of place, though she was sure that if she asked, there would be a completely rational explanation for all of it.

Neoakemi actively tried not to make eye contact with Madoka… maybe it was the sombrero, or maybe the magical girl battle armor was too cool so she kept staring at that. It was one or the other. Still, she spoke to her, and said, “I will send you all the information on our current situation through the Cybernet. Please read it as quickly as possible and help us defeat Kiiko Kawakami. Please save us from our destruction.” Within seconds, bunch of screens popped up, floating in the air beside each of the magical girls, and then Neoakemi jumped away, continuing her fight against the person in the sky.

Sayaka was extremely frightened by all the screens floating beside her, and tried running away from them, though they kept following her around. Nagisa seemed deep into reading already, while the three green-haired OCs didn’t even get any screens because they weren’t important enough to get the relevant background information/exposition.

Madoka walked over to Crispina. “I’m somewhat confused right now,” she told her.

Crispina shrugged, and then crossed her arms. “Read all this stuff and maybe you’ll stop being baffled by everything.”

“That was kind of rude. You’ve read it all already?”

“No, I was just saying you should read everything. I need to do it too.”

Madoka shrugged this time. She guessed she should read everything, despite how inappropriate it was to catch up on all this context during the middle of--

“I CANNOT ALLOW YOU TO INTERFERE!” Madoka turned around and jumped out of the way of a dozen cannon blasts, because apparently her entire life had become narrowly dodging attacks from people. It turned out that the person who was firing at her was none other than… Mami Tomoe? In an army uniform? What?

“STAND BACK, INTRUDERS! GYUHEY’S CREW IS HERE! AND GENERAL TOMOE IS THE LEADER OF THEM ALL!” said… General Tomoe. Behind her were several nameless magical girls, along with a bunch of hair soldiers. Madoka thought she saw Oriko and… Umika Misaki? She was glad the author of this story never bothered reading the side-mangas, or else the spinoff characters probably would have already gotten a lot of screentime in all these stupid fan fictions.

“Who the hell is Gyuhey?” Sayaka asked. She already had her cutlasses in her hands, and Madoka realized at this moment that this was the first time Sayaka was battling with her signature weapons in the entire The Madoka Series.

General Tomoe did not seem like the type to answer questions with exposition, and she was not; instead of answering Sayaka, she shot at her. Luckily, Sayaka was a deft fighter, and deflected every shot… accidentally sending one over to one of the green-haired OCs and hitting her in the knee.

“Ah!” that girl shouted. “Now I can’t be an adventurer!” She was then shot in the head and killed by General Tomoe, in an act of divine retribution for her outdated and unfunny reference.

“Where’s the beef?” Sayaka shouted at General Tomoe. She threw one cutlass at her, knocking the rifle out of her hands. Sayaka jumped, caught the sword, and then hacked Tomoe’s head off in one blow. Her head hit the ground at precisely the right angle to shatter her soul gem and kill her for good. Sayaka made a three-point landing, putting one of her hands on the ground and crouching. She gave a thumbs-up to Madoka-- just before being pummeled into a wall of an already-ruined building. In her place appeared another Sayaka, one with a very desaturated color palette. This Sayaka turned to Madoka and her team and gave Madoka a blank stare, but was quickly blasted backwards by Neoakemi and the other Madoka.

“Nice work, Shinigamidoka,” said Neoakemi. ... Shinigamidoka… Madoka was getting more and more confused by all these names as time went on. Extremely confused.

“Why are all these guys fighting all you guys? What about that really powerful Kiiko person? I’m so confused right now!” Madoka was so confused, much moreso than the readers, who actually could follow what was going on, considering Chapter 7 was very detailed in leading up to everything that was currently going on. Madoka wished she didn’t skip that chapter, but it just looked so long… why was it in four parts…

Suddenly, a tiny evil alien monster appeared beside Madoka. It was… Kyubey, except with blue fur, and with green eyes. “Madoka Kaname… I am Gyuhey,” he said. “I’d like to welcome you to our universe. All six of you will make for very good witches, and will provide a very good energy source to us in the future.”

“Uh…”

“I didn’t think you’d understand, but it’s fine.” His permanent smile was eternally creepy and Madoka wanted nothing more than to wipe the blue mush of his corpse off the floor. But that’d be unprofessional and unbecoming of the Sheriff of Mexico, wouldn’t it? Gyuhey needed to stand trial for his crimes, just as Sayaka did all those years earlier. Except he’d be found guilty because it’d just be a really elaborate show trial.

Gyuhey continued. “Because you killed poor General Tomoe, I think that I’m going to have to have all of you killed, though. I’m sorry about that, but she was one of my best. Since Kyokannibal is still dueling Kiiko Kawakami… Sayakan’t, can’t you destroy them for me?”

“My name is Negasayaka,” grayscale Sayaka said as she jumped in front of Gyuhey, apparently to protect him from attack, without realizing that he had like a billion copies of himself and didn’t even care about being killed.

She charged at Madoka, Shinigamidoka, and Neoakemi, carrying herself like some sort of quick-moving (and very bored) zombie, but tripped and fell, skidding along the wrecked pavement. She tumbled along emotionlessly, as if she didn’t care one bit about the immense amount of pain she was probably receiving. In fact, when she stood back up, she actually shrugged her shoulders,before continuing to charge at them.

Neoakemi threw a holographic disc at Negasayaka/Sayakan’t/Whatever and knocked her over once again. She stayed down this time.

Negasayaka laughed sarcastically. “I really don’t care enough to keep--”

A giant explosion, er, exploded next the group, killing another one of the green-haired OCs who was caught in the fireball. The final surviving one began freaking out, realizing she, too, was about to be obliterated. And, soon after, she was lifted off the ground with incredible psychic energy, and then imploded into a tiny wisp.

“Arrivederci, Ragazza Magica,” Madoka said, shedding a single manly tear (and then bursting into sobs immediately afterwards).

Kiiko descended to the ground and began throwing around leftover hair soldiers from General Tomoe, who were still running around, despite Mami having been killed several  minutes ago. Kyokannibal also hit the ground; Madoka found out why she was called Kyokannibal, because damn, like, apparently she had eaten a grapefruit or something, because she was purple, and also shaped like a grapefruit. Actually, she wasn’t sure why she was called Kyokannibal after all.

Just then, Kyokannibal used her lance as a spear, stabbed one of the nameless magical girls working for Gyuhey, brought her next to her, and then opened her mouth, consuming the magical girl like a vacuum cleaner. Within moments, she transformed to resemble that nameless magical girl, and even got her weapon, which was a shiny-looking nunchuck (oops, this fan fiction is now censored in England).

Madoka raised her (magical) pistols and turned off the (magical) safeties, aiming it at practically everyone around her because there were way too many enemies, but Kiiko noticed this, raised her hand, and the barrels of the guns bent upwards like in a Looney Tunes cartoon or something. Annnnnd now Madoka’s weapons were useless.

Great.

Also, in the middle of all this chaos, the wreckage of a skyscraper nearby began lifting into the sky. Madoka looked up and realized that Walpurgisnacht was like, just kind of floating there too, which did a good job of explaining why Mitakihara City was now a wasteland.

Even better.

Crispina and Nagisa readied themselves for battle, though it didn’t really seem like people were really too concerned with them. The current cast of characters gathered around here was so massive that it was really hurting Madoka’s head to keep track of everything going on. This would have been so much easier were it a movie or a comic book, but when there’s… uhh, let her count… Neoakemi, Shinigamidoka, Madoka, Sayaka, Nagisa, Crispina, Kiiko, Negasayaka, Kyokannibal, Gyuhey, four extra magical girls, and Walpurgisnacht… Okay… but when there’s fifteen characters all in one giant scene together, not counting everyone who already died, it was pretty hard to coordinate all the stuff going on. Uh, this is what Madoka thought, not the author, of course. Oh wait-- sixteenth person: Some light-haired girl walked slowly up to this gathering of magical girls.

Kiiko turned to her. “Aaya, where have you been?”

“I was having sex with Negasayaka earlier, and I fell asleep. Sorry about that.” She laughed and took Negasayaka’s hand, pulling her up from the ground where she was still laying.

“It’s true,” Negasayaka said. “I don’t have enough sense of self-preservation to lie about it, so I’m just going to admit it.”

Kiiko didn’t say anything in response, but a four-story building behind her DID crumble and explode, so Madoka realized she was probably not very happy about this.

“Aaya, I am going to punish you later,” Kiiko said. “You’re going to love me forever, remember?”

Aaya blushed. “Of course! I do love you forever. I just like teasing you.” She kissed Negasayaka on the cheek.

With a flat expression on her face, Kiiko closed her fist, and then a shockwave exploded from underneath her, knocking nearly everyone down. Only Gyuhey was motionless, as he stood on top of a bent-over Stop sign.

A bunch of dust obscured Madoka’s vision for a few moments, but once it cleared, she saw Kiiko fiercely battling Negasayaka, Shinigamidoka, and Kyokannibal, already in the sky again. Above everyone, Walpurgisnacht began tossing buildings at Neoakemi, who was trying to shoot at Kiiko with long-range blasts. She was hit by one, and disappeared into a cloud of smoke and pile of rubble. Shinigamidoka diverted her attention from the battle at hand and rushed to save the girl.

Nagisa called out to Madoka. “Hey, Madoka! I think we should run away!” Crispina and Sayaka were nowhere to be found, so they apparently had already fled.

“Never! I never give up, never give in!” Madoka was then picked up through Kiiko’s psychic powers and started floating a few feet in the air. “Okay, I take that back! I want to run away!”

Aaya stood next to her and giggled. “I don’t know who you are, but you look very strong. I can’t believe she hasn’t simply exploded your head, or devolved you into a Tritylodon and sent you back in time to the Triassic period.”

“Can she really do that?” Madoka asked, spinning quite rapidly as she orbited around Aaya.

“I have no idea,” she said. “But her power seems almost limitless at times! It’s such an exciting experiment to watch her grow and expand her abilities. I love every second of it.”

“Why is she killing everyone, though?!”

“I think I made her a little upset in the last universe we visited. But that’s a story for another time, and another reality.” Aaya stepped up close to Madoka and grabbed her by the waist so that she’d stop moving around, though she still levitated a foot off the ground. “You look just like that other pink-haired girl… You’re from another universe, then?” How did she figure that out so quickly? “What’s it like?” Aaya asked. “Is it similar to this one? Because this one just hasn’t been that fun…” She pulled Madoka closer and closer, to the point where their noses were touching. “I like fun universes…” Aaya dragged her in and stuck her tongue into her mouth. Augh! Gross!

A giant bubble popped behind Aaya, knocking both her and Madoka over onto the ground. It was one of Nagisa’s bubble attacks from her (magic, obviously) trumpet! This one second seemed to be enough to break Kiiko’s psychic hold on Madoka, since she was distracted by her battle with Negasayaka and Kyokannibal. Aaya started to get up, but Madoka kicked her in the face, knocking her out cold.

“Come on!” Nagisa said, running away and motioning for Madoka to follow her. Madoka was extremely thankful for Nagisa’s extremely helpful attack, but she was still extremely confused why Nagisa continued to use that extremely inefficient bubble-trumpet weapon after she’d already grown up (and up, and up, to six feet three inches tall). Even Madoka finally switched from bow-and-arrow to (magical) dual-wielding flintlocks eventually… though those weapons were useless now, so maybe Nagisa had a good line of thinking in keeping with tradition.

As Madoka ran away, she saw Shinigamidoka, still pulling Neoakemi out of the wreckage. Neoakemi was still dazed, but she still had the strength to embrace Shinigamidoka and kiss her for several seconds. Madoka saw how much those two cared for each other… It reminded her of, well… Her own relationship with Kyoko. Her own Homura was never that affectionate. She was mainly just controlling and cold. Granted, she was actually Kyubey in disguise, but she always felt bittersweet about her relationship with her, as if she could have made something of it, if only she tried… despite how completely silly that line of thought was.

Suddenly, the ground rumbled, and knocked Madoka over once again. She really had it with falling over. It was the lamest of things to happen.

Kiiko flew over, in front of Madoka, Shinigamidoka, and Neoakemi. Nagisa was already far enough that she could keep running, but she turned around to try and help. Madoka made extremely obvious gestures to get her to stop. “Keep running,” she mouthed loudly. Nagisa stopped, shrugged, and started running again. Madoka knew Nagisa would have been crispy, Charlotte-shaped bacon if she tried to face Kiiko, so she was glad that the girl wasn’t so stupid.

Too bad Madoka couldn’t do the same. Kiiko held out her hands, and once again held her captive in the air, along with Shinigamidoka, who was struggling much more to break free of the psychic grip.

“Two Madoka Kanames…” Kiiko said. “What an interesting instance. I am very curious as to how this happened.” She began flying away, with both Madokas in tow. “You’re coming with me.”

Madoka was absolutely not fond of this plot development at all, but she couldn’t move, as much as she tried. She looked down at the ground, and the city getting smaller and smaller as they rose higher. The city was almost completely destroyed, with debris and sand everywhere. It almost made Madoka want to cry, seeing her hometown so utterly obliterated…

But she didn’t cry, because she saw several tiny figures among the rubble. She instantly knew who they were-- Sayaka, Crispina, and Nagisa. It looked like they were safe, at least for now. They were going to save the day, and she knew it, because they had to. They would complete the mission, no matter the cost.

 

 


	12. Chapter 9: Instances

Chapter 9

 

Kyoko and Asuka sat around at the table, drinking (apple) ciders. It was very quiet with most of the team gone to some strange alternate universe with which they had no direct line of contact, so they were making the most of it by relaxing and definitely not getting drunk because their drinks were completely non-alcoholic.

Asuka wasn’t entirely sure how Kyoko felt at the moment. She seemed happy, but she wasn’t sure… “Kyoko, how are you right now?”

“Eh?” Kyoko seemed confused.

“Nevermind. Um… So, when is yours and Madoka’s next anniversary, again?” This was probably not the best of subject changes, but Asuka couldn’t get it out of her mind.

“Uh, I don’t… It’s on… September 27th, I think?” Kyoko rubbed her chin. “I don’t exactly recall what day it was. There was a lot of fighting Kyubeys, and I got turned into a witch, and we kind of got married on impulse. It was a really big blur, to be honest.”

“You were married on impulse?”

“Yeah…” Kyoko laughed, and then ate an entire package of oreos at once. “We had only kissed for the first time about fifteen minutes earlier, or something. It was like, two chapters before the end of the story, at least.”

“Hmm… You don’t regret rushing into it like that?” Asuka was pretty sure she was being extremely nosy right now, though Kyoko didn’t seem to mind, for whatever reason. Maybe she just needed someone to talk to.

“No, I don’t. I love Madoka Kaname more than anything else in the whole world.”

“Well then… I’m glad for you.” Asuka smiled as wide as she could to cover up how nosy she was being.

“And I’m glad you married Sayaka,” she said. “I was worried she was going to end up with Kyosuke in the end…”

Asuka burst out laughing. “Oh, man. I don’t even know what happened with all that crap. That guy is the biggest jerk I’ve ever met in my life, and wow did Sayaka deserve to get beaten over the head after all that.”

“Well, it’s all over now, at least.”

“At least.” Asuka laughed some more… and then it faded. Should she tell her? Yeah… Probably. “Uh, Kyoko? So, Sayaka and I… we’re... Uh…”

“What?”

“Okay, so, like, you know I’m trans, right?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t I know that? You’ve been extremely open about it, and I think it’s a very good thing that you’ve been so cool about it.” Kyoko looked directly into the camera as she delivered this information to the audience that every reader should definitely already have been aware of, because it’s not like this was some sort of suddenly-introduced plot point out of nowhere, of course. It had been firmly established ever since Asuka’s first appearance in “Madoka’s Birthday Wish”, obviously.

“Good. Well, uh, so, it turns out that I wasn’t entirely hormone’d up in time to, uh…” Asuka had no idea why she was getting so nervous about this. “Like… Okay… Sayaka’s expecting.”

“Expecting…”

“Pregnant. With child. We’re having a baby, and the baby is you. Er, I mean, not you. Like, you are the one learning about the baby. That’s what I mean.” Asuka’s heart felt explosion-ready. She felt like she was about to die.

“That’s great! …But didn’t we just send her to an alternate universe where she could potentially be in danger?”

“Uh.” Asuka blinked several times. “Yeah, that’s exactly what we did, isn’t it? Oh my.”

Asuka fainted.

***

Sayaka sneezed. “Oh, I guess someone’s talking about me,” she said. She, Crispina, and Nagisa stood in a very small building that acted as a refuge from the massive battle going on outside. It was just small enough that it wasn’t fodder to be picked up by Walpurgisnacht, and they could still hide from Kiiko and the others.

Crispina said, “It is almost certainly just all the dust and sand everywhere. Speaking of which, why is there sand everywhere, anyway? Has the entire city desertified somehow?”

Nagisa started hopping up and down in joy. “I know! I know!” she shouted. “I read all that background information that Homura gave us. It was very exciting!”

“Oh, really?” Crispina crossed her arms and sat down. “Do tell.”

“Well, the reason everything’s all sandy is because Walpurgisnacht has been attacking Mitakihara City for over three whole years! Years? Holy damn. “And apparently, after it ran out of rain and storms, it began naturally terraforming the environment. If left unchecked, it will turn the city into something like Mars over a long period of time.”

“That’s kind of lame,” Sayaka said. “Like, pretty terrible, honestly.”

“Why is Walpurgisnacht even still around, when that Gyuhey guy has so many magical girls to send at it?”

“Well,” Nagisa began. “It turns out that Kiiko Kawakami has learned how to take control of it. So Walpurgisnacht is little more than a weapon of Kiiko and Aaya at this point. It’s pretty terrifying. All these other magical girls have made double-wishes, so they are extremely powerful, but they will turn into witches as powerful when they succumb to despair. Any magical girl from this universe, we will have to be very careful with.”

As she said this, Neoakemi walked into the building and sat down with the three of them. She was completely silent, and was busy rapidly typing into her holographic computer with her right hand. How she could type so quickly with just one hand, Sayaka didn’t even know. She also didn’t know why Neoakemi’s right eye was glowing, or why her own alternate universe self was apparently a huge Nietzsche fan. Maybe this alternate universe plan wasn’t the best one, in the end…

“Yo, Homura,” Sayaka said. “You feeling cool?”

“No. My girlfriend has been kidnapped by someone as powerful as a god.”

“Oh yeah. That’s probably reason to not feel cool.” Crispina glared at Sayaka, so she shut up from there.

***

Madoka woke up, and realized that she and her alternate universe counterpart were standing, apparently completely free, in the middle of the sky, above the dark-gray clouds that surrounded Mitakihara City. But upon closer inspection, AKA trying to take a step forward, she realized that she couldn’t move from her spot. Dammit. Also, Kiiko and Aaya, both floating in the sky as well, were right in front of the two Madokas.

She really wanted to take a swig right now…

Also, she realized at this exact moment that Shinigamidoka was still only sixteen or seventeen years old. That was… really weird. They warped to an alternate universe, not time travelled. Why did they end up almost a decade in the past? Maybe it had something to do with Homura’s time warps that were apparently real in this universe, unlike her own? That seemed like the rational explanation, which was much less likely than the occam’s razor explanation that it was just some unexplainable bullshit that led this to happen.

“I want an explanation for this,” Kiiko said.

“Why we have such a big age gap?” Madoka asked, forgetting that her inner thoughts weren’t also part of the dialogue.

“I want to know why there are two Madoka Kanames,” she said.

Aaya, who had a large bruise on her forehead from when Madoka knocked her out, stepped behind Kiiko and put her hands on her shoulders. “That other Madoka, the one with the sombrero? She’s from a different universe. She said as much to me earlier.”

“Did not!”

“She brought multiple copies of several of these pesky magical girls, possibly to help defeat the others. I don’t know why. But you can have lots of fun with them, can’t you?” Aaya pecked her on the cheek.

“Maybe,” Kiiko said. “I do feel like having a bit of fun.” She snapped her fingers, and Aaya began falling through the invisible floor, plummeting to the Earth.

Shinigamidoka looked at Madoka with horror. “Why are you even here?” she asked the woman.

“Long story. A very long, very dumb story.”

After a minute had passed, Kiiko snapped her fingers again, and Aaya appeared back where she previously stood, by Kiiko’s side. She breathed heavily and collapsed onto the transparent floor on her knees.

“I want to know everything about this ‘alternate universe’ situation,” Kiiko said. “Please tell me, or I will destroy everything both of you have ever known. I may do it anyway. I may already have for you, Shinigamidoka.”

Shinigamidoka almost instantly started crying. Madoka felt really bad for her, as if she-- Yep, Madoka started crying too. It was completely unavoidable. In no universe was Madoka Kaname able to prevent herself from crying near-constantly. It was a universal constant, much like John Cusack.

“Well then, let’s get started. Talk.”

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 10: Consequences

Chapter 10

 

“Well then, let’s get started. Talk.”

Madoka tried to clear her eyes from crying for a really long time. “Man…” she said to the other Madoka in the black hood, Shinigamidoka apparently. “I thought I was going to be crying for a week, but then it turned into a month. I thought certain people were better at keeping consistent schedules than that.”

“What?” Kiiko Kawakami, the teenager who could bend reality at the cost of her grip on reality, asked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, and it wants to make me destroy this universe out of sheer frustration.” The emotion in her voice was almost nonexistent.

“Okay, uh…” Madoka began waving her arms. “I was just muttering something. It’s pointless. Don’t worry. I’m going to tell you everything you need to know, so don’t worry.”

“Alright. Then tell me.”

“Okay, so, I’m not from this universe,” Madoka said. “I don’t even like in Mitakihara City anymore; I live in Mexico.” She pointed to her sombrero to prove herself.

“I… see.”

“It’s a great universe. We’re pretty peaceful besides the supervillains that occasionally plague the land. That’s why we’ve been training magical girls for like, a while.”

Shinigamidoka looked to Madoka. “Then why are you here, exactly? You didn’t tell us that part, either.”

“We were going to bring Homura back to our universe because our died. Or, more precisely, never existed at all and was just a fake lifeform created to coerce everyone into betraying each other?”

“Hey! She’s from our universe! You can’t just steal her!” Great. Now Shinigamidoka was the one who was angry.

“Uhh… Well, the rest of you were all gonna be welcome to come, too.” She had not considered that in the slightest until this moment.

Aaya was still collapsed on the invisible floor that she and Kiiko stood on.

“Tell me more about your universe,” Kiiko commanded.

“It’s very nice. Nobody is building any walls around any borders and not a single person has ever said anything particularly demeaning about any TV journalists and skipped debates like a baby,” said Madoka, whose reference was very clear in 2015/2016 but will likely be confusing to readers years from now.

“That sounds very uninteresting. How much violence is there? How powerful are your universe’s denizens?”

“Super powerful,” Madoka said. “Way too much for you. You wouldn’t stand a chance.”

“Hmm.”

“So I think it would be very nice if you were cool and decided to let us--”

“I’VE GOT YOU, MADOKA!”

Eh? Madoka turned around and saw a small, red-holographic jet speeding by, firing bullets and missiles all over the place. The jet started firing at Kiiko directly, and apparently it worked because it broke her concentration.

The Madokas were free! Shinigamidoka instantly charged at Kiiko and began attacking her. The battle had resumed in a very awesome way!

Except... Madoka couldn’t fly!

Crap.

Madoka began falling towards the sky at an incredible rate of acceleration (thanks to her partially-charred cool power suit magical girl armor). Surely there was a way to prevent this from ending in her death… Maybe her sombrero had a parachute installed in it? She took it off her head and examined it for any switches or levers to get the parachute to come out. No, there wasn’t anything. That was probably too obvious for her to have even bothered checking.

Well then. Madoka braced herself for the impact that would occur sometime in the next five or so minutes…

And then the jet from earlier zoomed downwards and began hovering right below Madoka. She fell onto one of the empty seats in the back, because it was also apparently a convertible. And translucent. The person piloting the ship was none other than Neoakemi herself!

“That was… Thanks, Homura.”

She said nothing… but it was a really cool save. Madoka almost missed all the times Homura used to save her and dote over her like a very concerned mother (or a very controlling girlfriend but it was mostly because she was an obsessive time traveller, except she was actually Kyubey so she was actually just controlling). It almost felt kind of… nostalgic.

It took a moment for Madoka to realize that they were flying away from Kiiko, rather than back towards her. “Wait, where are we going?” she asked.

“To meet up with the others. We’re going to escape this universe.”

“But what about Shinigamidoka?”

“She’s dead. She charged at Kiiko. Kiiko killed her.” Neoakemi was silent the rest of the trip back, and so was Madoka.

Madoka tried to hold in the tears as best as she could, but she failed miserably.

(Art by Ikki – [Tumblr](http://iwanttobeadino.tumblr.com/))

 


	14. Chapter 11: Sayaka vs Sayaka

_AN: If you like Madoka (you obviously do), read my new standalone Valentine's Day fan fiction, "[Madoka and Homura's Valentine's Day Date](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5984287)"! It's not related to The Madoka Series, by Thedude3445 in any way, though._

 

Chapter 11

 

“Where the heck did that Homura chick go?” Sayaka asked loudly and yell-ily. She, Crispina, and Nagisa were still hiding in their super-secret really terrible hidden base, essentially doing nothing for the past hour or two.

“Weren’t you listening?” Crispina scolded. “She said she was going to go save the Madokas. She left before any of us could help us probably because she doesn’t intend on succeeding.”

“That’s rude, morbid, and also lame,” Sayaka said.

“I dunno,” a voice from right behind them said. “It was rude and morbid, but probably completely true.” It was that desaturated villain, Negasayaka! Or Sayakan’t! Her name changed sometimes!

Sayaka immediately used some magic and summoned her dual cutlasses. Crispina raised her Macuahuitl, which besides being hard to pronounce was a very cool and effective weapon, and Nagisa raised her bubble trumpet thing in a much less badass way than the other two.

“What do you want?” Sayaka asked.

“Nothing. I just want the futility of life to bleed through everything.” At this, Negasayaka summoned two cutlasses into her hands (with magic, obviously) and charged at them. They all dodged, and she ran into a nearby wall, taking the whole thing down with it. It was obviously not very sturdy but it was still surprising to see such a small girl blow up so much stuff so easily.

“You know what.. I’ll deal with this myself,” Sayaka said. “You two stand back.” They stepped back as Sayaka stepped forward. “Hey, Sayakan’t, let’s do this thing. Womano-a-Womano.”

“My name… is Negasayaka.” She burst out of the rubble of the collapsed wall and lunged at Sayaka.

The four cutlasses involved in this really intense clash of swords began slicing at each other and clanging with the best sound effects THX could offer. Thanks, Ben Burtt, for your help with this fan fiction.

Sayaka did a fancy and over-animated flip to get behind Negasayaka and did a horizontal slash, trying to end this, but Negasayaka ducked, dropped to the ground, did two quick pushups, then stood on her hands and jumped into the air. She threw both her cutlasses into the air, and when she landed on her feet, she caught them and threw them at Sayaka. Sayaka moved out of the way just in time to avoid being impaled twice in a row.

Negasayaka’s cutlasses hit the other wall and burst through it. It, too, collapsed into dust and rubble. Sayaka took the quick second to get some slices in at Negasayaka, but she had already summoned new cutlasses by the time she did it.

The four swords met with each other as the two Sayakas pushed them towards each other. Sparks flew from the swords, which was totally physically possible.

“This… This isn’t working,” Sayaka said. “So let’s change this up.” Sayaka had enough with this quadruple-cutlass nonsense. She raised her cool magic katana-and-wakizashi combo, getting into a badass samurai stance. “Fight me!” She shouted.

“You know, I don’t really care about this enough to--” Sayaka dashed at Negasayaka and sliced her twice, bisecting her both horizontally and vertically. It was over in an instant.

Sayaka sheathed her swords. “I’m going to switch to samurai weapons from now on,” she told Crispina and Nagisa. “Way better.”

“That was totally awesome!” Nagisa shouted in a high-pitched cutesy squeal. She probably would have jumped into the air, too, except it would have looked weird for someone who was six feet three inches tall.

“Yeah, I think so too.” Negasayaka, already healed, stood back up, though she balanced herself on her cutlasses. “I’ve decided that I give up and I want to join you guys. It’s pointless to stay here and do nothing anyway.”

“You’re… Yeah, why not?” Sayaka patted Negasayaka on the back and pushed her forward like an aggressive softball teammate. “As long as you don’t try to kill anyone indiscriminately. Killing is wrong.”

“Well… That’s a very subjective point. Killing doesn’t matter from a viewpoint where life doesn’t matter in any instance except for the conceptions and deaths of history. From the looks of this universe, there is no more history to be had; Walpurgisnacht and Kiiko destroyed any chance at that.”

“Shut up, bro.”

And so they continued to wait for Neoakemi to arrive back, hopefully with the other Madokas in tow. Then they could escape from this wretched place and return to the cool original universe. Sayaka really wanted to get back. She was really craving some honey right now...

 


	15. Chapter 12: The Return

Chapter 12

 

_ Homura Neoakemi.  _

_ Don’t forget that I’m always here with you. _

_ Always, somewhere, someone is fighting for you. _

_ As long as you remember me, you are not alone. _

 

Neoakemi burst into tears, but tried to make her sobs as quiet as possible to hide it from the other Madoka who was sitting in the back of the Cybernet-powered jet.

Madoka… Shinigamidoka… Was gone. After all these years of fighting and training, her first and only love went out in a death that she didn’t even see until after it had happened. She did nothing and probably couldn’t have done anything in the first place.

Their only chance was to escape back to this other Madoka’s original universe. They had to abandon this one. Neoakemi almost wanted to go back and give Shinigamidoka a proper burial, but she knew the body had probably been disintegrated shortly after Kiiko had confirmed that she had killed her. That monster.

Kiiko Kawakami. Why didn’t they take her as seriously as they should have? Her name literally had Kami 神 in it; her godlike powers should have been taken down before they could grow as much as they did.

But they had more pressing matters, like Walpurgisnacht to deal with. They just didn’t know that Kiiko was going to be able to use her powers to control the monster so easily…

She wiped her tears and looked back at Madoka. She was asleep. It was so strange, seeing Madoka right there, beautiful as always, but feeling such grief at her death.

This Madoka though… she seemed different. For one, she was considerably older, possibly by an entire decade. That didn’t make her appearance any less graceful, but it was something of a strange sight. She was also wearing a sombrero, something that Neoakemi was having a hard time figuring out. That was something to ask about later, she guessed.

The jet reached a point where they could descend to the ground and ride the rest of the way. That was probably a good idea because it would help hide them from Kiiko’s prying eyes. For all her powers, she did not seem to have telepathy or any other similar powers of foresight, which made Neoakemi able to fool her and predict her actions ahead of time.

From past experience, they had about ten minutes before she attacked again, possibly for the last time.

Neoakemi pressed some buttons on her Cybernet computer and the jet transformed into a motorcycle-- a very quiet one, too. Madoka woke up very quickly and grabbed onto Neoakemi’s back, riding pillion on the motorcycle.

“Where are we-- Oh. Uh, hi,” Madoka said. “Sorry I fell asleep…” She trailed off, obviously very sympathetic about Shinigamidoka’s death. But sympathy wasn’t going to make up for anything, and she should have known that.

“We’re almost to the hideout,” Neoakemi said.

“Oh, uh, good.” It took all the strength Neoakemi had not to begin crying again. 

She pivoted the motorcycle to avoid the large pieces of debris strewn across the highways. It had been like this for years, ever since Walpurgisnacht appeared. The storms had long since stopped, but the destruction stayed, as did the magical girls within. It was almost like some sort of stasis field that the city was in. Was the rest of the world like Mitakihara City? She had no way to confirm; even the Cybernet couldn’t break through the signal disruption caused by that monster.

They made it to the hideout, finally. However, the hideout was missing two walls and it looked extremely structurally unsound. 

Sayaka and the two unfamiliar girls next to her were standing there… as was Negasayaka. Neoakemi drew up her Cybernet computer and began summoning light weapons, but the other Sayaka dashed in front of her. “Dude,” she said. “It’s okay, yo. The other Sayaka is our gal now.” She then turned to Madoka and ran up to her, hugging her tightly. 

Negasayaka came up to Neoakemi. “She’s… gone,” she told the grayscale girl.

“That’s unfortunate for you,” she replied. “However, I don’t really care. I broke off my ties with all people I know once I made my double-wish.”

_ Homura pressed her hands against her chest. “I’ll do it. And I won’t turn into a monster. I won’t let it happen.” _

_ “I highly doubt that,” Gyuhey said. “But if you want to make your double-wish, then I am willing to let you become a monster. It’s your choice.” _

_ “Then my second wish is…” Homura paused to gather her thoughts for the correct wording. “To go back one more time, and to save Madoka, so that we can live together, happily ever after!” _

Neoakemi cried. How could she fulfill her wish now? It was impossible. Gyuhey had lied to her once again. It was all useless.

She felt a hand patting her on the back. It was the unfamiliar girl with white hair who oddly looked like Charlotte, the witch that General Tomoe had often used to attack the other magical girls with. “It’s all going to be okay!” she said with a sincere smile. Neoakemi would have thought she was a lot cuter if she weren’t so tall… and pretty muscled as well. This girl was actually pretty intimidating.

Madoka, the sombrero-wearing one, stood in front of all the other magical girls. Neoakemi forced herself to pay attention.

“Okay, so… a lot of us died and we are all a lot worse of for doing this mission,” Madoka began. “But we did get Homura. So I think we should all go back to the universe where there are no godlike beings that want to kill us.”

Neoakemi was confused. “What do you mean? We haven’t defeated Kiiko Kawakami yet.”

“Yeah,” Sayaka said. “And we aren’t going to. So we’re going to run to fight another day. Except not fight her again because we really don’t stand a chance.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I have to kill that bitch,” Neoakemi said. “Leave me behind.”

“No.”

“No?”

“We’re not leaving you behind,” Madoka said. “You can’t self-sacrifice to the point of ridiculousness. That’s my job.”

And that was probably what Shinigamidoka did, looking back… Neoakemi realized at that moment that her girlfriend’s final act was not a foolish attack; it was the only thing keeping Kiiko from killing her and then destroying the rest of the survivors from the other universe.

She didn’t want to go. She couldn’t do it. But she knew that that's what Shinigamidoka would have wanted. That’s what she died to do. Her double-wish granted her the powers of the dead, but in the end she used those powers to protect… and that’s what made her so special.

“I… I’ll go,” Neoakemi said, finally.

“Thank you,” Madoka said. “Now… does anyone remember how we’re supposed to get back?”

The white-haired girl raised her hand eagerly.

“Uh, Nagisa?”

“I know! We’re supposed to use these devices that Kyoko gave to Crispina and me,” she said, pointing over to the dark-skinned girl. “They’re weird pod things that are supposed to give us a burst of incredible magical energy that will give us enough power to cross back to our universe once we activate them. We’re supposed to activate them together to create a portal.”

“Is that… all?” Madoka asked. “That seems way too simple. Why didn’t we do that during that big fight scene a few chapters ago?”

“Once activated,” the Crispina girl said, seemingly reciting technical instructions. “The portal remains open for five minutes. If we were to do that back then, all of those enemy magical girls would have been able to follow us.”

“And Kiiko,” Nagisa added.

“I count her as a magical girl,” Crispina said.

“Really? No way!” Sayaka shouted. “Kiiko doesn’t even have a cool uniform. She didn’t make a contract and she doesn’t even have a transformation sequence. Half our budget is wasted on those things.”

Neoakemi was confused again.

“Okay, shut up Sayaka,” Madoka said. “If the portal is supposed to be open for five minutes, then we need to do this now. Otherwise someone might be able to follow us.”

“Good point,” Sayaka said. “Does anyone have any pickles? I kind of want pickles right now.”

Everyone stared at Sayaka.

“Fine. No pickles it is.”

Crispina and Nagisa gathered the pods and then released them one by one at the same location. They did it six times, one for each girl here, and a portal formed. There were seven pods, though, which must have meant that more of their universe’s magical girls died than she realized.

“Let’s go through,” Madoka said. “Hold hands so that we don’t get lost or anything.”

“I feel like we’re forgetting something important…” Sayaka said. “It might just be me.”

“It is probably just you,” Negasayaka said as she took her fellow self’s hand. She offered it to Neoakemi, who reluctantly took it. The two were at each other’s throats just hours ago, but now they were working together… this didn’t seem right and it didn’t feel right. But Neoakemi followed regardless.

As the six magical girls jumped through the magical portal, Neoakemi thought she saw something behind her.

Was it-- No. It couldn’t have been.

She focused her mind on the future. And she hoped from the bottom of whatever amount of a soul she had left that this new universe would be better than the ruins she had left behind...


	16. Chapter 13: Everything Goes Badly

Chapter 13

 

And with a zap, Madoka, Sayaka, Crispina, and Nagisa were back. Asuka was so glad, except for the fact that… none of the trainees were there. And there was another Sayaka whose color palette was very desaturated. And there was a Homura but with short hair and glowing red eye. Two Sayakas certainly wasn’t the worst thing in the world but Asuka was very disconcerted about it.

Madoka dashed up to Kyoko and hugged her, then gave her a big ol’ smooch. The Homura at the back of the crowd cocked her head to the side as Madoka did this. “I love you so much,” Madoka said.

“How was the… trip?” Kyoko asked.

“It was… fun.” Madoka collapsed onto Kyoko’s shoulder and burst into sobs. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…” Kyoko patted her wife on the back, though seemed somewhat confused.

Sayaka walked up to Asuka and raised her hand for a high-five. Asuka crossed her arms. “What, you’re not going to give me a kiss and break into sobs?”

“Oh fine,” Sayaka said. She kissed her on the cheek. Dammit, Miki.

“How is… you know?”

“Being pregnant and fighting witches? It’s awesome!” Sayaka shouted. 

Everyone stared at Sayaka.

“I probably wasn’t supposed to reveal that to everyone, was I?”

Asuka shook her head slowly.

“Well, at least it’s all over now,” Sayaka said. “We can finally relax, and we have a new Homura. Mission accomplished.” Her face turned into George W Bush for a moment. Asuka wanted to ask about the magical girl trainees but she was pretty sure she knew exactly what happened to them.

“Not just yet,” Asuka said. “We’re going to go on a rescue mission in just a few minutes. Since you guys are all already suited up, I hope you’ll be up to the task.”

Everyone groaned. The dark Sayaka raised her hand. “That doesn’t mean me, does it? I couldn’t care less about anything except for surviving. And going on a rescue mission really doesn’t sound like surviving to me.”

Kyoko, still holding Madoka in one arm, pointed her. “You’re going too. All magical girls are being assigned to this.”

“What are we rescuing?” Madoka asked, lifting her head from Kyoko’s shoulder.

“There’s a massive hurricane headed this way,” she said. “Mexico City is in big trouble and we’re going to do as much as we can to protect the citizens.”

Madoka froze in place and her eyes expanded into those horror-eyes you always see in anime when people get really scared or start going mad.  ~~ The author ~~ Asuka wasn’t great at describing it.

Suddenly, the weird-looking Homura raised up some holographic red computer screen in front of her and began furiously typing on a holographic keyboard. “No… No.”

Madoka sprang away from Kyoko and began running away. “We have to stop them! Hurry!”

“What?” Kyoko asked.

“Kiiko Kawakami and Aaya Saito. They’re here, and they’ve brought Walpurgisnacht. Negasayaka, come on!” She and the other Sayaka left just as quickly as Madoka.

“Guys, wait!” Kyoko shouted. But they didn’t stop. Nagisa and Crispina joined them as well. “Don’t forget your… jetpacks… they’re supposed to be for cool battles like these… They can’t hear me.”

Sayaka kissed Asuka on the cheek again. “Babe,” she said.

“Don’t call me babe.”

“Sweetie. Honey. Asuka. I’ve uh, got to go fight a really bad person who is going to try to destroy the planet.”

“But what about the baby?”

“Didn’t stop me last time. Don’t worry.” Sayaka ran off as well, leaving Asuka and Kyoko alone.

“I’ll… go alert El Guante to mobilize the trainees,” Kyoko said. “You can stay put if you want.” Kyoko was shaken but was trying to act like she was still okay. “This feels almost like The Project but copypasted into Madoka… I don’t like it.” She left the room to begin calling him.

Asuka looked at her non-magical hand with fiery eyes. “And I… I am going to mobilize myself.”

“What’s that?” Kyoko asked from the other room. “I didn’t hear you.”

But Asuka didn’t answer. Instead, she ran downstairs.


	17. Chapter 14: The Battle Begins

Chapter 14

 

El Guante led an army of countless magical girl trainees up the hill and towards Mexico City. The rain was pouring down in a fierce storm, but none of them were daunted. El Guante himself was covered in mud and grime already, but he didn’t care. He had to be the rock, the fixed point around which his trainees would be focused so that they themselves could perform their duties and save Mexico from whatever evils were causing this.

He knew how evil operated. It wasn’t long ago that El Guante was the one that the magical girls were trying to protect Mexico from, after all. He wasn’t sure why he turned the new leaf that he did, but he didn’t regret it at all. Good was only a point-of-view, but it was the point-of-view that he now accepted.

In the sky, a massive witch floated there, laughing maniacally. She was too big for anyone to fight alone, and even a small group of trained warriors couldn’t do it. But El Guante wasn’t afraid. He had an army.

Behind him, El Guante could feel that the trainees were ready to fight.

“This will be the most important day of your lives,” he told them. “Give it your all! If you succeed, you will have passed your final test!” 

He raised his machine-gun arms into the air and fire them. “CHARGE!”

They leapt towards the darkened sky and towards the final battle…

***

Reporter Ana Garcia was there when it hit. Not the storm, but the giant monstrous being floating in the sky.

Dozens of civilians were staring up at it, phones raised and recording it as it picked up a tall building and launched it hundreds of feet away. Ana wanted nothing more than to leave this place, to go back home and hug her husband and her dog. But she had an obligation to report the news, and this was most certainly news.

“Hello,” she said to the camera in front of her. In Spanish, obviously, but it’s not like I’m going to narrate everything happening in this story in the correct languages or else the last character to have spoken English would have been like… Kyubey in the court battle where they were all trying to convict Sayaka. Remember that? Good times.

Ana was not having a good time.

“There is a major disaster happening right now and we need everyone to stay indoors. The Magical Girl Saviors of Mexico Squad are en route and are going to be dealing with this as soon as possible. Please find safety and do not go into any large buildings. Please.”

She knew that her pleas would never work because disaster movie scenarios always attracted people to be dumbasses and go out to try to see the pivotal moments of history. Though she didn’t think this was actually going to be a pivotal moment in history because everyone was about to be dead.

Man, she really needed something to lighten the mood away from gigantic battles full of death and destruction. And by that she meant the author.

Ana’s wish was granted almost as if some divine voice had heard her and granted her wish; in the middle of this massive rainstorm, a calm aura of shining light emerged in a circle around the center of Mexico City, right over where she stood.

She looked up and a small figure emerged from the gap in the clouds and floated down towards the ground. She studied it closer and it seemed to be… a young girl? Was this a new magical girl, ready to save the day from this massive beast in the sky?

The girl floated all the way down to Ana and let her feet touch the ground. She seemed unaware of her general surroundings, the way she stared off into the distance, but as soon as she reached the ground, several magical girls charged at her, and she lifted her hand. Small girders and pieces of the street slammed into them, knocking them away.

This girl looked at Ana. “I want to broadcast something to the world,” she said.

Ana looked at the camera. “Uh, go ahead.” She gave the microphone to the girl.

“My name is Kiiko Kawakami,” the girl said. “I have transported myself to this universe using my powers after destroying a suspiciously similar universe in the span of a few years. I do not merely wish to sow the seeds of total destruction in this one, however. I merely wish to hone my powers and figure out exactly what my limits are. This may result in the eradication of the human race and the elimination of everything you know and love, but please do not take it personally. Thank you very much for your cooperation.”

Kiiko Kawakami handed back the microphone to Ana and floated back into the sky, over towards the large monster. The ray of light moved with her and rain began pouring back onto Ana’s head.

“Well, this is Channel 15 News,” Ana said. “You heard it here first. We’re all going to die sometime in the very near future.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it!” Sheriff Madoka Kaname dropped into view of the camera, snatched the microphone, and pointed. “And I do have something to say about it! That witch Walpurgisnacht and that bitch Kiiko are going down, because they threatened the wrong universe!”

She hopped away and began firing pink magical bullets at the two villains. Ana clapped her hands. The Sheriff of Mexico was going to save the day, and she knew it. She had the hope of a thousand suns in her. Whatever the hell that meant.

***

Neoakemi summoned two holographic pistols (Holo-Pistols?) and began firing at Walpurgisnacht’s familiars. She and Shinigamidoka had done this pretty much every day back in the old universe. It had become so routine that by the time Walpurgisnacht lost the energy to summon new familiars, they actually felt somewhat sad about the loss.

Shinigamidoka…

She had to save this universe, for her sake. 

A few civilians accidentally ran into the path of one of those cotton balls with mustaches, but Neoakemi plugged a cyber-bullet into the back of its head, causing it to explode into fluff and weird art styles. She threw a light-disc into the air to dispatch a flying beast-familiar. 

If this battle didn’t hurry, these familiars were going to very quickly turn into witches, and that was not going to go over very well at all.

The flying beast did not go down, but instead turned around and swooped at Neoakemi. She braced for impact, drawing a holo-grenade and readying herself--

But a sword slashed the familiar in half, destroying it almost immediately.

“I can’t let a fellow universe companion fall so easily,” Negasayaka said, tipping her sword on the ground and spinning like a breakdancer in midair. “Be more careful.”

“Thank you…”

But Negasayaka had already hopped away in a gigantic lumbering leap towards Walpurgisnacht.

Was she finally turning out to be an ally after all? This was certainly not what Neoakemi was expecting originally. She wished that the girl had come to her senses in the last universe when it actually mattered…   


***

The battle raged on. 

Magical girl trainees, El Guante, and Nagisa and Neoakemi versus the horde of familiars.

Madoka and Crispina versus Walpurgisnacht.

Kiiko against Negasayaka and Sayaka.

Explosions rippled through the air, and lightning struck harder and harder across the city. One unnamed magical girl extra was hit by a bolt and fell to the ground as crispy witch’s egg-flavored bacon.

The fight was so intense and expansive that a humorous parody fan fiction was probably not the best place to describe it in great detail. The precise details remained just vague enough that any dedicated enough reader could fill in the blanks themselves and potentially write the very first Madoka Magica fan-fan-fiction if they truly wanted to.

But in all this fighting, though, there was one question looming over everything...

Where was Kyoko?

***

Nagisa saw El Guante fighting several witch familiars, completely surrounded. His ammo seemed to be nearly limitless, but even then he was severely outnumbered. She blew her trumpet and a dozen bubbles sprayed out, bolting over to the familiars and exploding at them. They disappeared in several really strangely-animated wisps, and El Guante was free.

He ran over to Nagisa and paused to catch his breath. “Th..Thank you,” he said.

“No problem!” she said, winking. She hoped that she came off as cute instead of as dorky and awkward.

But El Guante didn’t seem to mind. He smiled at her, and then opened his mouth to--

“HAHAHAHA!”

Nagisa and El Guante turned their heads as they heard the shrieking laughter from about a block over. It was so loud that they could hear it in the middle of a storm and a giant final battle, so it could have been a witch just as powerful as Walpurgisnacht as far as Nagisa knew. She picked El Guante up in her arms and did yet another one of those cool really-long jumps that all the magical girls seemed to be doing to get as close as possible to the source.

She put him down and they started looking from behind a wall at Kyoko and that Aaya Saito girl who had been with Kiiko. They were in the middle of an intense conversation.

“You have to try,” Kyoko said.

“I can’t do that. I can only make her love me more. Do you know how I can do that?” Aaya stepped up closer to Kyoko. “Doing this.” 

She grabbed Kyoko and began to make out with her, but only for a second as Kyoko punched her in the stomach and slapped her away. 

Aaya reeled back and wiped her mouth. “Your wife tasted better,” she said with a scowl. 

Kyoko gritted her teeth and summoned her magical spear. But she knew better than to attack the girl, it seemed. “Tell that Kiiko girl to stand down. She’s not going to win.”

“But… she is. She’s going to become a god, and I will be her lovely consort to make all her beautiful demigod babies.” 

“You’re deranged,” Kyoko said, pulling out a Snickers bar. “Or maybe you’re just hungry.”

“I am pretty hungry, but not for what you’re putting out,” Aaya said, putting on a pouty face. “But maybe you and I can--”

Kyoko retracted the Snickers bar and put it back in her… wherever she kept all her food. This was reply enough for the woman, and Aaya was obviously aware enough to be offended by it.

“You’re going to suffer.”

“I don’t think so,” Kyoko said. “I think you and your girlfiend are going to have to have a very long talk about your relationship after this is all over.”

“And you and your wife are already--” Aaya stopped. She turned her head and… was staring straight at Nagisa! Oh no! “YOU! YOU’RE THE ONE THAT BURST THAT BUBBLE AT ME!” Aaya picked up a piece of sharp glass debris from the ground and charged at her.

Nagisa fumbled to get out her trumpet, but the girl was way too fast! Faster than any normal human, at least!

“No!” El Guante leapt in front of Nagisa and hit away the girl’s glass with his machine gun hand, shattering it into a thousand little pieces (rather than a million).

“Let’s tango,” she told him.

“Hey, that’s racist,” El Guante said. “I’m Mexican, but that doesn’t mean all Hispanic people--”

Aaya punched him in the face and he nearly fell over. He regained his focus and then began swinging with his hands like they were clubs. Which they essentially were, to be honest.

The fight was extremely tense. Nagisa wanted to blow a bubble and pop it, ending everything, but the two of them were moving so fast that it was too risky-- she didn’t want to accidentally knock El Guante out and ruin everything!

But El Guante was also losing… he couldn’t keep up with the girl’s rapid punches and kicks, and eventually simply fell onto the ground. She put one foot on his torso, slammed her fist against her chest three times, and screamed out into the torrential skies.

Nagisa took her shot and blew another bubble. It slowly floated over to Aaya, but she noticed it and… stepped to the side so that it didn’t pop in her face. Dang.

“I’m going to kill you, you tall little fu--” Aaya fell over onto the ground, knocked out by Kyoko, who had slapped her in the back with her lance. 

“That was disturbingly easy,” Kyoko said.

Nagisa ran over to El Guante, who was still collapsed onto the ground. She took his hand and leaned over him. “Are you alright?”

“I… I am alright with God, if that is what you mean…” his voice was weak and growing fainter by the second.

“El Guante!”

“Nagisa Momoe.. I always… loved you…” With his free hand, he slowly caressed her cheek, before it fell back to his side. “I’m so sorry…”

“I… I loved you too!” Nagisa’s face streamed with tears.

Kyoko stepped up to them. “You know he’s not dying, right? He got pushed to the ground and stepped on. She didn’t break his neck or stab him or anything.”

Nagisa let go of his hand. “Oh.”

El Guante reached his hand out. “No… Please… I’m really sore right now…”

Nagisa and Kyoko began walking away, with Kyoko carrying Aaya on her back. “We’ve got to regroup with the others. Hopefully they defeat Walpurgisnacht so we can all focus on Kiiko together. That way we can win.”

Nagisa nodded. “Let’s do it!”

They both did the cool superhero leap thing and jumped towards the rest of the fray. 


	18. Chapter 15: More Stuff

Chapter 15

 

“Have a taste of this!” Madoka summoned a magical rocket launcher and shot a giant pink missile at Walpurgisnacht. It exploded in a blaze of magical energy and pushed Walpurgisnacht a kilometer away from the city. If anything, that would at least save some lives.

Madoka turned to her companions Sayaka and Negasayaka, who floated in the air next to her with their cool magical girl jetpacks that would have been extremely useful back when they were fighting in the previous universe. “Let’s finish this job!”

“Jobs are pointless excursions created by the machinery of capitalism,” Negasayaka said as she flew towards the monstrous witch and tossed four or five cutlasses at it. All of them bounced off and flew off in different directions, hopefully not hitting anyone on the ground and impaling them as they tried to escape. That would be really unfortunate and bad.

“She is the worst fighter I have ever seen,” said Crispina, who was playing the part of defense, intercepting and deflecting any attacks that Walpurgisnacht sent their way.

“I feel like it’s getting weak,” Sayaka told Madoka. “But I don’t think we can finish it off alone. We need to call in... “

“Call in who?”

“The OCs.”

Sayaka somehow summoned a really big magical whistle and blew it. At this, all the magical girl trainees and colorful OCs that had been fighting the familiars on the ground flew up into the air and began attacking Walpurgisnacht.

“The final assault!” Sayaka shouted. “Honor! Triumph!” Before Madoka could ask what the hell she was talking about, Sayaka got into her all-new samurai stance and blasted towards her foe. 

“I’ll help her not die,” Crispina said, flying off as well.

Madoka kept firing her magical pistol, but now she could only make the occasional attack because of all the extras that were in the way. She really didn’t want to hit any of them by accident, after all!

Sayaka and Negasayaka made a great pair, it seemed. They locked arms back-to-back and began making a really cool spinning move, slicing and dicing Walpurgisnacht a hundred times in just one attack. Madoka didn’t know how--

Why couldn’t she move?

Oh no.

She turned around--not of her own will--and saw Kiiko floating there right in front of her. “Uh, hi there!” she said, attempting to wave but being unable to move any of her limbs.

Kiiko’s red eyes flared up. “Where is Aaya?” she asked, frowning intensely. She was not scowling, however.

“Uh, I don’t know!” Madoka attempted to shrug but was once again thwarted by the powers of psychic control.

“I want her to be with me while I crush this city. She needs to be punished for her actions in the previous universe.”

“Oh… she wasn’t that bad, really! I was fine with the way she violated me and made out with me just to make you go into a berserker rage.”

“I can’t feel her in the city. She is either unconscious or dead, and neither of those options are preferable to me.” Kiiko lifted Madoka up higher and began strangling her in a way that was similar to (but not enough to be able to sue) a force choke. “Tell me, now.”

“I really don’t… have a clue!”

“Then there is no point in letting you--”

Kiiko began flying at top speeds towards Walpurgisnacht, as if she had been swatted away like a fly. Madoka could finally move again, and realized that the perpetrator was none other than Kyoko!

Oh wait.

Kyokannibal. It was Kyoko, but she looked orange right now and was rapidly engulfing a sack of fruits and vegetables she had in one of her arms.

Wait… “Kyokannibal?” Madoka asked. “How are you…”

She began changing colors rapidly. “You guys made a portal outta my universe but it didn’t close for like half an hour. So I decided to help you kill Kiiko before I kill you for killing Gyuhey.”

“But we didn’t--”

“Ah! Shut it!” With this, Kyokannibal, who was flying without a jetpack due to, uh, some food-related powers she guessed, sped towards the rest of the magical girls all battling around Walpurgisnacht and Kiiko.

Madoka followed suit, and reached the massive orgy of violence and mayhem in just a few moments. There were so many blasts of energy and dead nameless characters falling to the ground that she could hardly even comprehend it.

Kyokannibal and Negasayaka began fighting together, and, holding hands, dealt a massive blow to Walpurgisnacht’s upside-down head thing.

The witch screamed out (with such a powerful decibel level that several nearby magical girls were obliterated instantly), and then began to evaporate into gears and chandeliers. A giant grief seed popped out and crashed onto Mexico City below.

The storm had finally stopped.

Dozens of OCs rushed down to the grief seed to attempt to power themselves up, but they quickly realized that that was a bad move. Or they didn’t, because they were killed too quickly. Kiiko was already down there and began slaughtering all of them.

“I want my girlfriend!” she shouted up to the magical girls still in the sky.

Madoka looked back to Sayaka, Negasayaka, Crispina, Kyokannibal, and the other magical girls. “Let’s give her her girlfriend then,” she said. “By that I mean let’s attack her.”

All of them flew, fell, or otherwise came down to ground level to attack Kiiko at once. Several of them were killed before they could even reach the rubble below, but most of them made it, and they were dueling with the main antagonist almost immediately. 

Kiiko’s powers seemed diminished in this universe. She wasn’t able to simply implode people around her instantly, and actually had to put up a fight as all these people swarmed her. It was either that or she was simply too bored to actually put up a decent fight. Madoka desperately hoped it was the former.

The sounds of clashes of swords and metal abounded throughout this scene of carnage. It was like one of those medieval re-enactments, except people were actually dying and everyone was dressed in frilly dresses and futuristic battle armor. Madoka saw a slo-mo shot as Negasayaka plunged towards Kiiko, but was sliced in half with a blast of psychic energy. Blood spewed out of her and got all over Kiiko’s face, though, which blinded her for a moment and let everyone else take a bunch of hits on her.

Kyokannibal dashed over to the upper half of Negasayaka’s body. “Negasayaka! Are you okay?”

“I think… there was a reason for this,” she said. “My magic isn’t healing me like it used to… But it was worth it. I think… I made a good choice.”

In a burst of darkness, Negasayaka’s body exploded and turned into a gigantic witch-- no, a monster. One even bigger than the witch they had defeated only moments earlier, and with two giant swords in its hands.

A cybernet panel popped up next to Madoka. There was a message from Neoakemi, reading, “That’s Oktavia Ultima. She is stronger than Walpurgisnacht. Tell everyone to run. -Neoa”

“EVERYONE RUN!” But it was too late. Kiiko took the moment of panic to kill most of the remaining OCs around her. Crispina was knocked away into the sky and made one of those Team Rocket sparkles as she disappeared. Sayaka and Kyokannibal began attacking Oktavia Ultima, but it was obvious that they were doing little to no damage.

Kyokannibal pushed Sayaka to the side, and the girl fell to the ground next to where Madoka stood.”I’ll deal with this! You guys stand back!” A single tear dropped from her green-colored face and fell to the ground. 

Like a giant female Kirby, Kyokannibal began sucking in all the air around her. Her mouth expanded to cartoonish size, and Oktavia Ultima began to struggle to stay upright. It grabbed onto a nearby building… but even that wasn’t enough.

The witch was sucked right into Kyokannibal’s stomach.

And then there was a rumbling sound.

Kyokannibal turned to Madoka and Sayaka. “I’m so sorry,” she said, just before turning bright blue, expanding to a huge size, and then… turning into a witch herself.

Another prompt popped up. “That monster is Hamlet Omega. It possesses the powers of Ophelia Ultima and Oktavia Ultima both. Please run. -Neoa”

Madoka and Sayaka did just that.

Madoka looked back. Kiiko raised her hand to Hamlet Omega. The monster did not attack her, but instead stood still… and then turned its gaze to the two of them.

“This is bad,” Madoka said. “We’ve got to make it back to Neoakemi and the others or else we are toast. Burnt toast.”

“This couldn’t possibly get any worse. This is the absolute worst situation we could possibly be in,” Sayaka said.

“No! Don’t say that! Do you not know the law of--” Hamlet Omega swung its polearm at Madoka and batted her clear across the city. Madoka flew so far so fast that she very quickly blacked out--

***

\--and then realized she had crashed into the bar she was such a frequent visitor of. She was in fact laying on the bar at this very moment.

“Are you going to order a drink?” the bartender asked with an absolutely emotionless tone. It was disturbingly like Kiiko, but without the insanity and with a refreshing wave of calmness. Maybe Kiiko wouldn’t have snapped if she had become a bartender instead of a godlike psychic.

Madoka got off of the bar, wiped the wood from where she crashed through the ceiling, and sat on the barstool. “One whiskey please.”

“Coming right up.” The bartender began pouring the drink. “Why aren’t you out there fighting right now?” she asked.

“I suck, that’s why,” Madoka said. “I got whacked a hundred miles away from the battle in one blow and now everyone’s going to lose all because of me.”

“You really think that.”

“Yep. I’m a bad wife, a bad friend, and the worst Sheriff of Mexico ever. Sheriff Flint would be so disappointed in me, just like Kyoko already is…”

The bartender sat the drink down. “You’re mistaken about all of that. You may have some problems, but we all do as humans. You can’t shoulder the burdens of the entire world, you know. And you can’t fix anything by running away and hiding out.”

“Hmm…”

“Listen. I’ve talked to your wife several times,” the bartender said. “She loves you as much as you love her. You are just worried about your drinking problem affecting things. It is, but not enough that you can resort to self-pitying so quickly.”

“I have a drinking problem?”

“Yes. But I’m not here to judge. I’m just here to serve you alcohol and take your money. Do whatever you want.”

Madoka gulped down her whiskey, slammed the glass upside-down on the table, and stood up. “You’re right. I can still win all of this. I’m going to defeat Kiiko Kawakami with my own hands!”

“Hopefully. Death is not good for business.”

Madoka turned around. “Oh,” she said. “I’ve been coming here for… well, a while. But I never even knew your name in all this time.”

“It’s Samantha Flores. But my name doesn’t matter as long as I peform my duties, and my duties are bartending. What are yours?”

At this, Madoka sprang out of the hole in the ceiling of the bar, reactivated her jetpack, and flew back towards Mexico City.

Hopefully she’d be able to get there before it was too late!

***

Kiiko sat on top of Hamlet Omega as it destroyed building after building, and all Nagisa, El Guante, Neoakemi, Kyoko, and Sayaka could do was stare in horror.

“Is there anything we can actually do?” Sayaka asked. “Other than stand here and get fu--”

“Cut it out,” Kyoko said. She took out that Snickers bar from earlier and munched it down. Aaya was still unconscious on her back, but Kiiko didn’t seem to notice this just yet. “We just have to wait for an opening and surprise her.”

“She doesn’t have any real telepathic capabilities, after all,” Neoakemi. “Other than her link to Aaya, but that is taken care of. You did a very good job, Ms. Kaname.”

“Thank you,” Kyoko said.

“I just… This is stupid! Why can’t we fight? These threats are just too big for us magical girls to handle!” Sayaka threw her swords on the ground and raised her arms in anguish. “I want to do something!”

“IT’LL ALL BE OKAY, SAYAKA,” a voice shouted out from above. 

The ground began rumbling, and from behind them leapt a massive lumbering robot. It was instantly clear to all of them that it was the Eva Unit-02, piloted by none other than Asuka Langley Soryuu Miki. Sayaka jumped up and down, cheering.

“STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU STUPID WITCH,” Asuka shouted from the Eva’s speakers. Using the mech-monster, she punched Hamlet Omega backwards and kept it from destroying the Torre Altus.

She motioned to the monster. “COME AND GET SOME.”

Hamlet Omega attacked.


	19. Chapter 16: It Ends

Chapter 16

 

“COME AND GET SOME,” Asuka said through the speakers of Eva Unit-02.

Hamlet Omega, the massive monster in front of her, charged straight at her, plunging its innumerable tentacles towards her mecha.

She dodged as many blows as she could, but her robot was slightly damaged. She grabbed at the monster, ripping pieces of it away and tossing it, but she was only hurting it with minimal success.

She slid under the monster and kicked it over. It fell and she was able to pile-drive the Eva like it was straight out of the most ridiculous Luchador match of all time.

But the Hamlet Omega monster pushed the Eva away and was able to get back up, now with a raging fury of even more tentacles ripping into the Eva’s armor. It sent the mecha flying into the Torre Altus, sending it crashing down to the ground.

“DAMMIT SHIT!” she shouted. Oops. She forgot to turn off the speaker. Well, if it was still on… “EVERYONE! I NEED YOUR HELP. AS SOON AS I TAKE OUT THIS MONSTER, YOU NEED TO DEFEAT KIIKO! I CAN’T DO BOTH.”

As soon as she said this, she saw the tiny scurrying figures rushing up into the air to attack Kiiko. One of them was her wife Sayaka, and she pressed her palm against the viewsceen. She had to be the hero for all of them, but especially for her. “SAYAKA,” she said. “I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF OUR--”

The Unit-02 was smacked to the ground. The Hamlet Omega began stomping on the robot, smashing it into several pieces and disabling it. Asuka was injured as pieces of shrapnel exploded into the cockpit.

The Eva was disabled. She had lost.

She needed to-- oh no. The eject function was damaged in the beatdown. She was stuck in the machine, which now had alert sirens going off inside it.

Oh no.

Did the.. no, the speakers were shot as well.

Asuka began setting the nuclear option and pulling out the override switches. She never thought this would be the day that she’d have to do it, but she was prepared. All those years at NERV didn’t go to waste after all…

A few of the viewscreen cameras were still functioning, and she could see her friends and wife battling the maniacal psychic. The Omega Hamlet was still close enough… She had to trigger the self-destruct right now.

“Sayaka…. I hope I was a hero to you…”

She bypassed the final override option, clasped her hands together, and prayed.

***

Boom.

***

The remains of Hamlet Omega splattered across the city, but quickly faded away into the ether. But Sayaka was out of commission from the moment she saw the explosion. Kyoko was still on the ground, holding Aaya hostage. Nagisa and Neoakemi alone couldn’t handle Kiiko in the slightest.

“Leave this universe alone,” Neoakemi told her. “Please. You’ve already killed enough people today.”

Kiiko didn’t even turn her gaze to her, though she still blocked her attacks. “I have to find Aaya before I obliterate this planet. I can’t let her die with the rest of you, can I? That would be a bad relationship move.” She slapped Neoakemi and sent her flying away.

Nagisa kept blowing bubbles at Kiiko, but there was some sort of invisible force field blocking them from actually capturing her or popping in her face. Her powers were completely useless! :(

What would they do?

Well, apparently that, Nagisa thought as she plummeted towards the ground after being hit by a huge-butt shockwave.

She hit the ground with a thud, but wasn’t amazingly hurt, so she hopped right back up. Kiiko had also come down to the ground, though, and was now staring at Kyoko, with Neoakemi and El Guante behind her.

“Aaya,” she said. “What have you done to her?”

“Nothing,” Kyoko said. “And we’re going to keep it that way if you leave here in peace, forever.”

Kiiko giggled like a middle schooler would at a “that’s what she said” joke. “I can simply melt your brain and then levitate her over to me,” she said. “It’s not very difficult at all.”

“Then why haven’t you done it?” She put a stick of Pocky in her mouth and chomped at it.

“I…”

“You’re not as powerful as you were before,” she said. “Is it because you’re in a new universe? Did you expend too much energy travelling over here? Is it because Walpurgisnacht and Hamlet Omega are gone? You don’t know. And that’s what scares you.”

“Good going, Kyoko,” Neoakemi whispered.

“So, Kiiko Kawakami. You can’t simply take her from me without risk of harming her. What are you going to do?”

“Your bluff is meaningless,” Kiiko said. “I will eventually be more powerful than all of you put together. My constant fighting has tired me somewhat, but I will soon return to full strength. You have mere minutes at best.”

“That’s the worst bluff I’ve ever heard,” Kyoko said. “And I’ve had to deal with a drunken Madoka twice a week for the past two years.”

The two red-eyed women stared each other down. Kyoko smiled, while Kiiko finally started to show an emotion on her face… frustration.

Nagisa blew some bubbles towards Kiiko, but once again, the force field was too strong. Nothing worked to actually damage her. 

“You are five strong and yet you can only bargain with me. I think that’s pathetic.” Kiiko balled up her fist, and rubble from all the surrounding former-buildings began lifting into the air. “If I can’t have Aaya, then that may be a sacrifice I have to make. I did tell her the consequences of defying me before we began our relationship, and she has done so many times regardless.”

The equivalent of an entire house was now hovering directly above Kyoko. 

Neoakemi looked at Nagisa and nodded. She pointed to the computer on her wrist, and Nagisa understood. She clutched her trumpet tightly. 

Kiiko noticed this and scowled. “What do you think this is? A game? You really believe you can simply--”

“GET OUT OF THIS UNIVERSE YOU TOTAL BITCH!” Kiiko barely had time to turn around before she saw Madoka Kaname speeding towards her, jetpacking directly into her back and firing her magical pistols. The force of the push knocked the debris out of Kiiko’s focus and sent it tumbling down, but Nagisa blew some bubbles to keep most of it from falling, for just long enough to have Neoakemi make a cyber-force field around all of them.

The rest of the rubble fell on top of the force field and rolled off.

As soon as the dust cleared, they saw Madoka on top of Kiiko, pointing her pistols at the girl. But… she was already shot in the head and torso, with white rays of light pouring out of her wounds.

“MAAAAADOOOOOKAAAAAA KAAAAAANAAAAAAAAMEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

Kiiko screamed out in a cry of terror as more ripples of light burst through her body like cracks spreading throughout a piece of glass. And finally--

A flash of light--

And Kiiko Kawakami was no more. She disappeared in a wisp of energy and dispersed across the heavens almost instantly.

Madoka tipped her hat at Kyoko and collapsed onto her knees where she stood.

Kyoko sat Aaya down and ran over to her wife. El Guante rushed over to Nagisa, scooped her up into his arms, and kissed her on the lips.

Over in the distance, Neoakemi and Sayaka hugged each other, both of them crying.

Mexico City was completely wrecked, but the sun was breaking through the clouds. And it shone brighter than it ever had before.


	20. Chapter 17: Epilogue

Chapter 17

 

EPILOGUE

 

“Asuka Langley Soryuu Miki may not have been an original Madoka Magica character,” Sayaka began, standing over her dead wife’s casket. “But she was an amazing woman and I am happy to have called her my wife. We met under the most strange circumstances, and we were married just the same. I guess it’s fitting to say that our child is going to be born under the same strange circumstances. Strangeness seems like a good fit for the Miki family.”

She stepped away from the crowd and tried not to cry again. She succeeded. She knew that Asuka went out the way she wanted-- as a hero. She made the ultimate sacrifice and because of her, the world was now safe from the scourge that was Kiiko Kawakami.

It was just… going to be a little quieter around the house for a few more months…

***

Madoka and Kyoko sat on their front porch, both of them on rocking chairs. The porch was on the second floor of their fort, though, so it was also kind of dangerous to be doing this.

“Do you want to renew our vows?” Madoka asked.

Kyoko looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “What?”

“Like, we kind of strained our relationship a little. Maybe we should do a ceremony to recommit or something.” Madoka was pretty sure she knew where she was going with this.

“Absolutely not, Kyoko said. “Our relationship was never ‘strained’. I love you, and you love me, and that’s the end of all of that.” She leaned over and kissed her.

“Well… I do think we deserve another giant wedding cake,” Madoka said.

“No more weddings ever,” Kyoko said. “Nothing of the sort.”

“Speaking of, I got a card from Nagisa and El Guante.” Madoka handed it over. “Never knew his name was literally Santa Anna after all. But yeah...  Do you want to… go…”

Kyoko sighed.

***

Neoakemi rode down the night road on her cyber-cycle. It roared on the highway just like a real motorcycle, as long as Neoakemi wanted it to, that was.

And she did.

She kept Shinigamidoka forever in her thoughts, but that was the only place she would ever be.

_ “We’d really like you on our team,” Madoka said. “You’ll even get your own black sombrero. Optional. Of course.” _

_ “I can’t,” Neoakemi said. “I’m my own woman. And I have to figure out what I’m doing with my own life.” _

This was not her home. Not yet, at least. So she had to discover herself, and learn exactly what kind of person this new universe wanted her to be.

Neoakemi pulled over at a roadhouse and got off her cyber-cycle, which dissipated into nothingness as soon as she stepped away. She kicked the doors open and the tough bikers and truck drivers within stopped what they were doing and stared.

“I’m looking for Wallace Welsh, wanted for murder and extortion,” she said. “He was last spotted sixteen miles from here. Anyone know anything?”

“Get lost,” one of the bald-but-with-a-mustache guys growled.

“No,” she said.

The men began getting out of their chairs and coming over to her. One of them pulled out a switchblade.

This would be fun.

***

Overlooking San Francisco Bay and the Golden Gate Bridge was one conspicuous individual. He was not visible to most eyes, despite the way he stood out; this was something he preferred.

The sunset was beautiful this time of the year. Though this was the only time he had ever seen a sunset in this part of the world, so maybe it was beautiful at all times in the year.

He knew that this new world of his was ripe for business. What was this business, you ask? 

Witches. Monsters. Entropy.

Kyokannibal provided the intel, and Gyuhey followed through. This new world was strange, wondrous, and potentially very profitable.

It was a bright new day for that blue-furred, green-eyed beast watching the sun sink into the ocean.

***

“It’s a boy!”

Sayaka, high on meds and high on pain, reached out her hand and pointed at the baby. “A… boy?” she stammered out. “That’s… really weird!” she shouted before passing out.

The doctors looked at each other and shrugged.

***

Sheriff Madoka Kaname and Vice-Sheriff Nagisa Anna walked down a dark hallway. Madoka paced with her arms behind her back like an imperial officer or something.

“After we analyzed the Battle of Mexico City, we found the central ineffectiveness that our magical girl trainee system had,” Madoka said. “But you know all this. I’m just telling the audience so they can be caught up.”

“Of course, of course,” the super-tall woman said, with no regard to just how much taller than she was than most any other Japanese woman.

“And, as you and I know but the readers don’t, we simply don’t have the power set to deal with omega-level threats, much less Hamlet Omega-level threats.”

“That was a good pun, Miss Kaname!”

“Thank you.”

Madoka came up to a keypad and punched some numbers in. “From the advice and inspiration of the late Asuka Langley Soryuu Miiki, we have come up with the perfect plan to augment our power set.”

They were now in a large hangar room of some sort. A dark-skinned man in a military outfit stood in front of them, hands behind his back as well.

Madoka walked up to him and bowed. “It’s nice to meet you,” she said.

He bowed in return. “Thank you.” He took Nagisa’s hand and kissed it. “I am Stacker Pentecost,” he said. “Director of the Karyuudo program. And I’m here to present you with the first prototype.”

He clapped twice, and a massive tarp slipped off behind them, revealing a gigantic mecha robot. It was pink and had a sombrero to match,

“It’s beautiful,” Madoka said.

“Wow,” Nagisa said.

“I guess we’re going to have to expand past being the protectors of Mexico,” Madoka said. “How about…”

“The world?”

“No,” she said. “Maybe just the Caribbean Sea for now.”

“Oh. Still fun!” Nagisa gave a thumbs up.

Stacker Pentecost nodded and turned to gaze at the mecha, just as Madoka and Nagisa were doing.

The music swelled and the scene faded out-- the credits began to roll.

 

THE END!

  
  
  
  


TO BE CONTINUED IN: CARIBBEAN RIM! -- COMING SOON! (For real this time)


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